Happy New Year!

Kris & I really enjoyed the quiet party at Jeanelle's, especially meeting her friends Julie, Kevin and Barack!

Sustainable Food on Change.org

Change.org (the non-governmental alternative to change.gov) has started a rather interesting and important blog: Sustainable Food.

Change.org has a variety of other blogs on important topics, but this one caught my eye because of my interest in developing Sustainable Belltown. By coincedence, the 1st entry I read was "Saving Antibiotics" ... a subject dear to my eye due to a recent bout with MRSA in my lower eyelid ... something that was as unpleasant as it was unsightly.

We all have to eat (...and most of us will need antibiotics to continue working for the foreseeable future)! Let's make sustainable food policy a priority. See http://food.change.org/

More Chicago Scandals! More! Scandals! Bwa-ha-ha!!!

I am amused by the continuing attempts to link Obama to scandals in Illinois & Chicago. But there's plenty left to investigate:

The band Chicago: was Obama involved in this scandalous footage featuring a half-naked drummer?


Did Obama influence Michael Jordan (who left Chicago to play for Washington DC !!!) who was caught on tape involved in over ten personal fouls!:


Obama wears black socks and the Black Sox were from Chicago.

Need we say more?

Judge Mom and the Tabs

Today I went to court for my hearing on my car tabs ticket.

As I wrote before, I got ticketed while beershopping because I hadn't renewed my tabs. On the ticket., it mentioned the possibility of a mitigation hearing, which sounded good to me. First, anytime I can put off paying is a good time, and second, I really didn't get a notice of renewal, and third, talking to the judge on this would be a new and interesting experience. So I got an appointment: 8:30 Dec 29.

I figured I'd better prepare for the show. From community theater, I understand that I'm not good at memorizing precise lines, but I am pretty good at memorizing themes and extemporizing from that. I worked out three reasons for mitigation: I hadn't gotten the notice; while in theory I could've seen the tabs every time I got into my car, in practice people don't notice things like tabs since they don't change; and most of all, owing to the smallness of my present income, a reduced fine would be just as motivating as one that took a whole week's discretionary income. I pondered which would be best going first. The strongest first? in case the judge cut me off? or the most emotionally appealing?

I really over-thought the whole thing.

I got to court before the building actually opened; the helpful guard mentioned the coffee-and-bagel place in City Hall across the street. As I worked over the bagel, I realized that my reasons were bogus. I didn't think the law had a "no reminder" clause. Maybe I'd be better off just coming out and admitting it. Maybe I should just skip the hearing. But, no, the scheduling form said a missed hearing might get me socked with an additional fee.

I resigned myself to having nothing, and getting nothing, and went to Room 201 feeling free in an almost Zen-like way.

The waiting area was a plain room with two clerks with computers, lots of chairs, and art on the wall: two character photos and a mysterious yet boring abstract painting that was probably designed to lulled distressed persons into torpidity. Behind the counter, talking to the clerks, was the very image of a TV judge out of his robes: perfect white hate, sharp eyes, very neat goatee, a commanding presence. There would be a quick argument before the High Bench, to the point, and (I imagined) crisply decided, just in time for a commercial break.

A short, motherly woman in a suit emerged, called my name, and lead me down the hall to a plain office with a modern desk, plain, except for the cool double-flat-screen monitor. She wasn't Judge Goatee's clerk; she was the Judge herself. (Technically, a Magistrate but why quibble?) I wasn't going to be on Court TV; I was going to have a talk with Mom.

With mom, there's no arguing. Come right out and admit it when you got nuthin'

She took a form and, in a calm, friendly but serious voice, asked:"Are you here for a hearing about your car tabs, citation number *something*?" (I'm paraphrasing from memory)

I agreed.

"And what can you tell me"

"Your honor, I got nuthin'" (... that got me a small smile ... maybe it pays to be honest!) "I asked for this hearing because I hadn't gotten the reminder which is the only reason I hadn't renewed my tabs, but thinking it over, I know that doesn't really matter."

(Nodding in an understanding, Motherly-ly way): "You didn't get the reminder".

"Yes, although I know it's still my responsibility. I was also upset because the ticket is a lot for me right now, I'm out of work. But I know that's not really ..."

(Understandingly): "Yes. The amount of the ticket is set by the City Council. I can mitigate it to $124"

"Thank you." (I realized that she was stating the law)

"Do you have your proof of tabs?"


(I shuffle through papers.) "Here's the inspection, I had to get the oxygen sensor renedo."

"It would be a green form"

(Mentally cursing myself) "Oh, I don't have anything green. I did put the tabs on."

"I'll assume you did get your tabs." (Hey, it really does pay to be honest!)

"Now, I am authorized to arrange monthly payments."
(I can hardly believe this. The fine cut AND payments stretched out? But ... many of the people who come in here are really badly off. I am not badly off. I needed the reduction, but it's best not to take more than I need.

"No thank you, I'd like to take care of everything today and be all organized."

"Ok, take this to the counter."

"Thank you"

Lessons learned:
First, I noticed that when the judge wasn't asking questions, she was mostly just making a plain statement of the law ("The City Council sets...", "I can do this ..."). That's pretty interesting, because it really doesn't admit of much argument.

Second, I worried way too much. Once I accepted that I was probably going to get nuthin' cuz I really had nuthin', the process was enjoyable if only for the learning, and the meeting new people. Judge Mom was cook.

Finally, DO pay your tabs on time!

Klondike Ho!

The story of the Klondike Gold Rush is a natural for cartoon history, for mere words can scarcely convey its outsized and outlandish events and personalities. Props to author/illustrator Curtis Vos for Klondike Ho!, a lighthearted but educational work graphic novel-style history.
Children will enjoy this book's outrageous stories and amusing drawings of Soapy Smith, Klondike Kate, and so many more! Adults will enjoy the majesty and irony of the larger story embedded within the many anecdotes. Teachers should offer this book to pupils who aren't finding history interesting.
Did I mention the useful maps and Bibliography?
If you enjoyed (and learned from) Larry Gonick's Cartoon History of the Universe, then you will be sure to enjoy (and learn from) this work as well.
Klondike Ho! information:

• Author: Curtis Vos
• Format: Paperback, 72 pages
• Published: Todd Publications (December 1997)
• ISBN: 978-0969461241

Please Don't Divorce My Friends....

...LOOK at these happy couples. Help save their marriages from being destroyed by the government of California.

A Heathen's Guide to Church Choir Singing ....

... or “Good Lord, what are they doing now?”

My friend Jon the Hobbit, who has sung in church choirs for several decades, offers "The things that run through a visiting singer’s mind when he attends an unfamiliar church’s services":

A few observations from my biannual (Easter & Christmas) sojourns with the Catholics:

Overall, since there isn’t really a sermon, the extra time is filled with music, so you sing at least twice as much as in an average Protestant service.

Catholic music tends to be gloomier than Protestant music, especially the week before Easter, so you’re going to want to do something to lighten your mood. I suggest gathering a group of your favorite children and dying eggs. Get silly, please!

Catholic Communion is “members only”.

The choir loft is at the back of the Catholic church, where the priest can keep an eye on us. Does this indicate a basic distrust of musicians?

The grander the church, the more tortuous the climb to the loft.

It's probably wrong to refer to Processing as "walkies".

I thought that it was unnecessarily cruel to chant "Stay With Us" as the congregation was leaving Maundy Thursday.

They've turned out the lights. Are they going to tell "Holy Ghost" stories?

The priest has started going about the church, sprinkling everyone with something. NOW I'm glad I climbed all the way up to this loft.

Whatever you do, don’t laugh if the visiting priest accidentally steps into the Baptismal pool.

At least this year the priest didn't almost set himself on fire when he lit the barbie.

The Priest said something about the Israelites being made to drink bitter waters. Is that how they invented having coffee after church?

---

Other observations:

The Presbyterians prize Order above all else. The Presbyterians have assigned seats. They like it that way. Their “Passing the Peace” lasts exactly 1.5 minutes.

The Presbyterian Pastor called a meeting of the Congregation right after the Service. That means I get first crack at the cookies!

It’s probably wrong to argue “Predestination” with the church secretary when you’re trying to book their church for a concert.

The Episcopalians love to parade even more than the Catholics. Everyone processes in, everyone processes out, & in the middle of the service they line everyone up & process to communion, so there’s no avoiding it.

The Episcopalians seem to have their services conducted by committee. By this I mean that there is more than one person up front & I’m not sure who is in charge.

Never ask the Adventists about the “Great Disappointment”.

Compassion is Good for You

In the spirit of the holiday, let me point out that my previous post in no way reduces the compassion I feel for Dick Cheney.

Compassion is good for you. Anyone can feel compassionate for good people; it's feeling compassion for evil bastards that's really hard.

So let's have compassion, in this holy season, for every lying turd that betrayed our great nation, sending thousands to their deaths so he and his buddies could profit. It'll give your soul a workout!

But compassion doesn't mean being stupid; do not buy land downstream from his grave.

Regulations for Pissing on Cheney's Grave Announced

DC - The National Park Service announced today that, responding to popular demand, it is preparing rules and regulations for pissing on the grave of Dick Cheney.

"It's important to remember," said a spokesman, "That Cheney does not have an actual grave at this time, since he is not dead. However, public interest in pissing on his grave makes it increasingly urgent to have plans in place."

"Ordinarily, we do not encourage urinating in public places. However, Cheney is so universally hated that we see no practical way of keeping it from happening, and have decided instead to regulate it as any other recreational activity."

Once the final resting place of Dick Cheney is determined, NPS will conduct hydrogeological studies to determine the likely drainage. "This is an important health measure," said the spokesman, "Remember, the grave will house the rotting remains of Dick Cheney, a heavy load on the wellbeing of whatever community it curses. We may have to install a large septic field as it is. Charging a small fee for pissing on Cheney's grave may be the only way to recoup those costs."

Sceptics claim that NPS is simply seizing an opportunity to profit from the burgeoning piss-on-Cheney's-grave industry. "The first day my webstore was up," said one young entrepreneur, "I sold over 1,000 bumperstickers saying 'Piss on Cheney's grave? Hell yeah!". Now the government wants in on this? As Dick says, "F*** You"!"

Others cautioned NPS against excessive regulation. "We're talking about an expressive activity," said a First Amendment expert. "Our forefathers, were they alive today, would be lining up to piss on Cheney's grave."

Current plans call for limiting pissers to a few hundred a day, charging a small fee for maintenance and upkeep. Children under 12 will be free, but dogs and other urinating animals will count as an adult. "Will someone brings in an elephant to piss on his grave?" chuckled an NPS employee. "I hope so. Ever see one of those cut loose? We may have to close the place for the rest of the day!"

---

digg story