Friday, September 25, 2009

Time-Travelling Ghost Writer: Bill Ayers

Some people keep saying that "Dreams of My Father", Obama's first book, was ghostwritten by Bill Ayers.

That book was published July 17, 1995.

Obama met Ayers at a party in the Fall of 1995.

It's a 403 page book, which would take at least half a year to write.

You KNOW what that means ...

Ayers is not merely a ghostwriter, but a TIME-TRAVELLING ghost writer: the most frightening kind!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Beck’s home town says NO to his hate speech.

Mount Vernon, Washington State, childhood home of HATEtriot Glenn Beck, has a mayor who thought he’d get some good press by giving Beck the Key to the City.

What he got was a City Council that voted 7-0 to say no, they don’t want anything to do with hate talk:
“Mount Vernon City Council is in no way sponsoring the Mayor’s event on Sept. 26, 2009, and is not connected to the Glenn Beck event in any manner.”

--- "Mount Vernon council shies away from Beck honor", AP
This is great news!

Mount Vernon is a nice, all-American small town. Its main industries are agriculture, with a sideline as a bedroom community and a very nice brewery-pub, the Skagit River Brewery. The annual Tulip Festival is a lot of fun, but you have to go early in the day because it's also very popular.

When I heard Mount Vernon was going to give an award to Hate Talker Glenn Beck, I was disappointed and considered boycotting the town, but thanks to the Town Council, I now feel OBLIGED to go. Thanks folks!
Beck and the mayor are still getting together at a private function, where the press is excluded and there are no ticket available for anyone else. They're just wimps, afraid of what We The People might say if we were allowed in.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

We're Number 37 !!! Sing Along !!!

Why be glum, when you can sing along?

Sing Along!

"We're Number 37"

Come one, Come all
Down to the hall
We're gonna make noise
We're gonna bust balls
We're gonna disrupt
We're gonna jump in the fray
I got a list of all the things that We're supposed to say
We're gonna get real rowdy
Have a barrel of fun
But We're the USA so by the way be sure to bring a gun
And buddy

We're Number 37!
We're the USA
We're Number 37!
And We're so proud to say
We got old people crying at the pharmacy
Pay your deductible
This aint the land of the f-f-f-free Grandma
We're Number 37!
We're the USA

People of the town come on down
And if you got a crazy rumor you can spread it around
I kind of like my insurance and I like my health
The other 47 million can go treat themselves
To some prayer in chapel
Fold your hands and pray
Because we are a Christian nation and that is the Christian way
And brother

We're Number 37!
We're the USA
The big Number 37!
And We're so proud to say
We're #1 one in tanks
We're #1 in planes
We're #1 in war with #2 for brains
We're Number 37!
We're the USA

I drew a Hitler mustache on the president
Yea! Ain't that neat
My brother had a hernia operation last year
And now he's living out on the street

We're Number 37!
We're the USA
The big Number 37!
And we want to keep it that way
Be sure to bring the kids
All of the boys and girls
Because the #1 health care system in the world.

Is in France???

We're Number 37!
We're the USA
We're Number 37!
And we got something to say
We pay more for less
40% in fact
Lets bite some fingers off
Shout at the handicapped
Cause buddy
We're Number 37!
We're the USA

We're Number 37!
We're the USA
We're Number 37!
We're the USA!!!

© Paul Hipp 2009

Monday, September 21, 2009

Hankerin' for an Alternative to Paper Towels?

Check out my marvelous new invention!

But first, a little background. I had a hankering for a challenge, something to really test my manhood, so I went to the Change the World Wednesday Challenge and read "Can You go for a solid week without using one paper towel?"

"No sweat heh-heh!" I smiled to myself, "I don't like those girly paper towels anyway!" I have never been fooled by The Brawny Man; whenever I scrub up some substance spilled in an excess of gravity, I use rags from old T-shirts ripped and shredded by the flexing of my powerful torso. Otherwise, there are only few, very specialized cooking uses for which The Lovely Wife (a.k.a. She Who Must Be Obeyed) mysteriously prefers paper towels (and what woman has no mysteries?), so to avoid needless conflict, I resolved to stay away from that particular cuisine for the week. Already I am Master Chief of the Challenge, and it has hardly begun!

Next morning, I got up as usual at Five-Oh-God-It's-Early and trotted off to the gym with The Lovely Wife for an hour of "spinning" (... pedaling madly on a stationary bike while a cheerful coach urges you on. The coaches are skilled at talking me into far more than I would achieve on my own, most likely because when my brain runs out of oxygen, it believes the coach when she says, "Ok, just a little bit more!")

A problem arose when I stopped in the locker room to "wash my hands" and, naturally, after soaping and rinsing just as they taught me in the Kiss Army, reached for a paper towel. Whoa, Dude! Minimizing environmental impact ran smack dab into public hygiene in the era of MRSA and Swine Flu! What to do?

There was no electric hand-dryer alternative. If no-one else was around, I would have simulated one by waving my hands in the air, but one of the Big Rules in the Men's Room is Never Do Anything To Call Attention To Yourself! (Rumor has it things are different in the Ladies' Room; some say they even talk to each other! Br-r-r-r-r-! There are, indeed, some things Man was not Meant to Know!)

Then I noticed my sweat towel. Hrm!, I reasoned, If it is good enough for sweat, why not good enough for drying my hands? The soap had already killed all the germs, so clearly the manliest thing to do is to use manly exercise equipment to totally eliminate the residual dampness on my hands (humble as it may be, even a sweat towel is exercise equipment.)

Soon thereafter, as I pedaled away and brain oxygen level hit new lows, I had a brilliant revelation: instead of relying on paper towels, why not be Independent and carry around personal hygienic drying-clothes? Terrycloth is too bulky, but plain cotton or muslin would do and could be folded to fit neatly into a pocket. Printed in a pleasing variety of colors, it could be useful for in a variety of situations, starting with the drying of hands, but extending to covering of mouth and nose during a sneeze, or wearing as headgear over that place where the testosterone is chasing away my hair, or even covering the entire lower face in a public health emergency or stagecoach robbery.

I have always had a hankering to be the Master Chief of any such crisis. Don't YOU? Well, you can! for if you ACT NOW, you can satisfy your Hankering to be the Chief of ANY crisis with my patented "HankeringChief" brand cloth squares!

P.S. They can cut down on your paper towel use too!