A Saturday Of Getting Things Done

Composing this post
through my phone!

Today I got a lot of things done. It started with the morning class at the nearest Y. It's a great way to start the day. It's kinda weird driving Kris there what with the upheaval in our relationship and all, but we like to do things together; the only problem is she doesn't want to have a marital relationship. (I've worked through most of the classic Seven Stages and am nearing Acceptance, although still plenty pissed off that she never even tried to make it work.) As we drove to our next task, I introduced the concept of takinga classes or something in getting along so we can work together without unnecessary head bashing; she agreed.

We got to Costco for a phone upgrade. Kris has finally resolved to try smart phones and I'm ready for an upgrade. When we got home, I hooked up the laptops to the cellies and we are now drawing on the phone plan, instead of the cable channel's internet hookup. I've disconnected the home router and look to big savings disconnecting cable. As a side-benefit, I'll now be able to access the internet whereever I have cellphone access. This draws a lot of electricity from the phone but I have a cable that lets it draw power from the laptop, so it's all good.
Most of our conversation as we drove to our various tasks were mundane in the extreme; Kris has gotten me a very nice Christmas gift in the form of a special microwaving dish that I will be able to use to make some pretty interesting stuff. We enjoy talking about food and health.
At Fred Meyers we picked up her new glasses. I think she'll like them as well as I like mine.
On the way home, as we discussed what else we wanted or needed to get done this weekend, I introduced the concept that it was very difficult for me to figure out what she wanted, because she almost never said "I want ....". I suggested that putting all the clues together, there seemed to be some issue deep within her being, perhaps related to the frankly scum that her mother had had for romantic partners throughout Kris' childhood, that had something to do with her difficulty in discussing relationship issue in a timely manner. She seemed to say ... although it's hard to tell ... that she recognizes this as a problem and intends to do something about it. So I can feel good about that; it's way too late to help with our relationship but I do owe her a friend's honest evaluation.
I did add one final relationship-related comment: I stated that I understood the custom was that whoever was leaving the relationship was also the one leaving the house. The person being dumped should at least get the consolation prize of the home. I recognize that Kris was unwilling to accept this custom, and in any event I have proposed a reasonable plan that might meet the needs of both of us, but this had to be said. As I anticipated, Kris would not agree with me but she did have the decency to say, "I understand" which was good enough.
It is irretrievably broken, not because it can't be fixed, but because the will to fix it is not there.

"Let Her Go"

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

--- Michael David Rosenberg

Boxing Day 2013

This wedding plate hung in the old house

The day after Christmas, I met Dan, Dave and Eric at mom's storage unit to take inventory. There had been some family discord about the distribution of mom's stuff, and the easy way to fix that problem is simply to inventory everything, make a spreadsheet, circulate it for people to say what they wanted or not, and then negotiate compromise where needed. But the first step is an inventory.
While there was a melancholy background to the event (after all, our mother had died) there was also a lot of fun. Some of the stuff brought back memories, and we discovered things we had never seen before, such as Dad's pictures of his time on Okanawa as a young soldier. I guess I inherited my love of casual photography from him! We resolved to scan these photos and put them on the web, as a contribution to human history he'll never know he made.
We also made a lot of highly inappropriate jokes (as Kris says, that's how men show their love) and most important of all, got the job done. It took a little longer than we figured, but we figured on that.

Spikefang the Biker and his B1t@h

This record cabinet has existed
for as long as I remember

Mom sewed a lot. She made shirts
and pyjamas and who-knows-what

We all wore this snowsuit

Love letters. We might send them to Jerry
who had joked about reading dad's letters to mom

Silent Christmas, 2013

I was determined to spend this holiday resting at home in a Day Of Silence. 2013 was entirely too eventful. I hope this offends no family members or friends, but sometimes you just have to take a day off everything.
Of course, it didn't help that I was disinvited from the McCord Christmas dinner. Kris having decided to break up our marriage, I had inquired whether she would prefer that I attend. I would have enjoyed it and been supportive to the family which is still reeling from Larry's death.
Kris with her customary passive agressiveness said something vague about it being convenient for someone else to pick her up after work and they would do something or other. I don't think she intends to be annoying; she is simply uninterested in being clear.
I don't mind being alone on the holidays. Frankly, most of the rituals are burdens to me. People talk talk talk and say nothing; I prefer to get something useful done.

Such a Neighborly note
(Plus nice ornament and fudge!)

Another reason I totally love this neighborhood: amazing neighbors, almost like one of those Jimmy Stewart movies (...where I play the role of crazy ol' coot lol....). I put one of those "Little Free Libraries" in front, and I guess it's sufficiently well appreciated that a family from two blocks over just left this nice hand-written note and swag. I especially like the cinnamon-scented snowflake - very festive!!
 I made it through most of the day observing silence, which is very restful (...and highly uncharacteristic!) however when I was outside, a neighbor greeted me ... and wutcanyadohuh?
Sadly, the neighbor had to report that the window on her Jeep was smashed - evidently someone wanted to get something in a bag in the back seat. This was distressing but I was sympathetic.

I enjoyed the day with the cats and got a lot done.

Then Ginger dropped of Kris. I was engaged in doing the laundry and didn't feel the need for conversation. I just don't know how to deal with them when they are determined to put me out of my house. If they have realized the futility of this endeavor I am willing to carry on as just a normal roommate, but it would help if they would say something.

But they won't. So it's up to me "Keep Calm And Carry On".
There are many difficulties. For one, what to do when they bring me leftovers from their happy Christmas meal?
I think it is intended as a kindness. Hey they had good food, they have some left over, why not share it with Randy?
("Why is Randy alone on Christmas?" doesn't seem to have been a consideration.)

Leftover Food
For the Leftover Man

My first inclination was to throw the leftovers on the compost heap. Why on earth would I want scraps from a meal that I had not only not been invited to ... but had been disinvited from?
If Kris had to babble about how much fun she had, I could ignore it at least. But actual, physical food?
I appreciate that this was meant in a kindly way, but it was so very very stupid of them.
What the heck. I tried the food. The meat was dreadful but the deviled eggs were ok, and the potatoes appropriately cheesy. The pumpkin pie was a standard store-bought pie and the fudge - well, who doesn't like fudge? I sure do!
All-in-all, I supposed I should just appreciate the kindly meant food, and act thankful. Why be a jerk? More importantly, Why Pass Up Pie?
At an appropriate time, I did try to talk with Kris about the situation - not the demeaning and insulting leftovers, but the big issue: how to live together if she was going to be trying to throw me out of my home. She seemed able to process the issue when it was presented calmly, and said that she had not initiated any legal process at this time. I said I understood the situation and thought that we would be able to live together calmly so long as we were working cooperatively on doing so. I said I thought if she chose to talk with a lawyer, that would not be a bad thing and that the lawyer would most likely analyze my rights the same as I had. I mentioned that I had talked to a real estate agent about Don's property and the agent had motivation to effectuate the sale, since that's how he made his living. If this could be worked out, then everything would go calmly. Since we are in practical terms roommates, not romantic partners, I don't expect her to keep me apprised of her comings and goings, although anything major would be appreciated. She seemed to still want rides places so I guess she intends to keep taking advantage of me while she can. What happens next I don't know but as long as I can keep calm and carry on I suppose it'll be o.k.  Not optimal, but o.k.