Thursday, July 12, 2007

What if Superman wakes up one day, and decides he's gonna Destroy All Evil?

Why not? He's the Sole Remaining Superpower and the Champion of Truth, Justice & The American Way.

So he goes and smashes a dictatorship. BAM! Nobody does it like The Superman does it!

The people are grateful.

But Supes --- he won't go home.

He figures, the people he liberated aren't ready to take care of their stuff. So he's gonna do it.

And he's standing there, thinking, and this car comes toward him. He shouts "STOP!" in his super-voice but they don't stop, so he zaps it with his heat vision, in self defense. It's not HIS fault if they don't speak English!!!

Some old guy starts complaining about the dead people in the car. Superman knows people understand that he means well and mistakes just happen.

Since Superman smashed the dictator's electricity plants, it gets all dark and stuff but that's o.k. Anyone out after dark is probably a lawbreaker and he hits them hard. SPLAT! The people should feel safer now.

The place starts to smell bad. Superman remembers that he broke the water system while he was fighting the dictator. There's Shit All Over - what is wrong with these people ????!!!!

The people over here are hard to tell apart. They've got mustaches and don't wear super suits with their hero ID on the chest, so sometimes Superman's not sure who's with him and who's against him.

Then someone told Superman that the guy on the next street had kryptonite, so Superman blew up the whole block in self-defense. Boy were the neighbors mad at Superman! They told Superman the informant was helping the evil General Zod. Now Superman is confused, but he sure can't leave while people are all mad at him.

After a while, the people decide they need help.

Who else can they turn to but Lex Luthor? Lex is a very bad man but what else can they do?

Superman keeps trying to "help". He won't leave so long as there's a single liberated person seeking help from the evil Lex Luthor.

Now what is Superman gonna do?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

"Landslide" by Dixie Bush

"Ah took my nation and Ah took it down.
Ah asked Dick Cheney to turn it around
Ah Accomplished my Mission in a big photo op
Till the landslide brought me down.

Oh, Cheney is the guy
Who runs the gov.
Can the Decider in my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing angry tides,
Can I handle the outing of my lies?

Well, Ah've been afraid of changing 'cause Ah built my term around Iraq
Mah crimes made you smolder
Democrats get bolder
I'm gonna fold or crack.


Well, Ah've been afraid of changing 'cause Ah built my term around Iraq
The facts makes them bold for
The Congress got told, ahr,
I'm gonna fold or crack.
Well Dick sold us out for PNAC.

So, take mah crimes and take me down
Yeah and if you vote impeachment and you bring me down
And if Ah bungled Mah Mission in the oil-covered sands
Well the landslide brought me down
And if Ah bungled Mah Mission in the oil-covered sands
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will make me frown."

with apologies to

Sunday, July 08, 2007

If George Jr. Was Your Ex ...

Let us say that your ex tells the cops that you have a stolen car, using the following evidence:

1. She said you had a car in 1998 (shortly before she blew it up ... she doesn't mention the blowing up part).

2. She shows satellite photos of the car at your place of work, but when detectives went there, it turned out that it wasn't your place of work at all or your car. She says this only proves you were hiding something.

3. You were found shopping for an air compressor; she says there is no use for an air compressor other than inflating the tires in a car.

4. A British girlfriend gave her a forged document showing that you sought to purchase kerosine. When the forgery was found out, she said they had other information on this subject. She didn't mention this other information was a conversation you had with a gas station owner in which you did not discuss kerosine.

5. She sent detectives to all the places that we knew you had a car. In your garage? no. On the street in front of your house? no. She gave them many leads, all of which lead to nothing. That is in itself proves you have a stolen car.

6. On the basis of this undisputed evidence that you have a stolen car, she burned down your entire neighborhood so that you couldn't use the stolen car she said you had.

7. In general, the statements she made about your car put her in a very strong position to accomplish her domestic political purposes. So long as your neighborhood is on fire, the fire department would do anything she asks ... and the City Council will have to go along, lest she accuse them of not supporting the Fire Department.

NOW: how could any reasonable person come to any
conclusion other than that your ex can be trusted?