The Good Old Days: John Oliver Reports

John Oliver researches why some many mourn the Good Old Days which were simpler and better than today ... kinda hilarious ...

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Winn Not Winnie

I was born "Randall Edwin Winnie" and, as a young adult, didn't like my last name so in my early 40s I changed it. This has had the unintended side effect of making websearchs for me by some of my earlier friends (I'm carefully refraining from using the term "old friends" ;-) since the naturally search for Randy Winnie.

So for the record and ... of greater importance ... for the search engines ... Randy Winnie, Randall Winnie, Randy Winn, Randall Winn - we're all the same person. In the Society for Creative Anachronism, I'm Syr Randall d'Artinual (although my membership lapsed long ago. I still enjoy the memories and some continuing friendships.

There are now several other Randy Winns out there, the most famous of which being a professional baseball player. In the early days of the internet, I was more likely the first one you'd find with the (by today's standards) primitive search facilities available, but now the first page or three of listings will be of the ballplayer, his games and stats, fantasy league results, and so forth. I don't mind; it's one of the few ways one can have any sort of anonymity perhaps: to have one's internet presence masked by a sports figure. Thanks Randy! I have no idea what sort of person you are, but on the evidence, you're a credit to a good name!

Other Randy Winn sightings on the internet:

• One of Maine's fastest-rising comedians
• A teacher in Utah
• Pastor of a church in Pulaski, VA
• Illinois-Iowa Circle-K officer
• A New York City socialite
• Co-head of Capital IQ (perhaps the above?) 

Other Randall (Randy) Winnie sightings:

Try the Crotch Bomber

In a fair trial, can anyone IMAGINE the crotch bomber NOT being convicted?

I mean, let's be serious for a minute (it won't take longer than that). As Juan Cole reports, there's a lot of silly talk running about the crotch bomber, chief of which is that something aweful will happen if he gets a fair trial.

I mean, c'mon. Can you IMAGINE being his defense lawyer? What are you gonna SAY?

Public Defender: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, although you have 100 or more passengers on the airplane identifying my client as having his pants on fire, and the FBI identifying the residue of his pants as being packed with explosives, the simple fact is there's been a terrible mistake. My client wasn't even there!"

Judge: "You say your client wasn't there? Well, that settles it. CASE DISMISSED!"

I mean, really folks. What's he gonna do: Say "Nuh-uh! it wasn't ME!"? Give him a fair trial; what are you afraid of?

iMscrewed - Your Most Important iPhone App

Unemployed Americans, and those soon to be unemployed, can now download an iPhone App to help them cope with having their jobs shipped overseas, their tax dollars given to the bankers running our economy and their very lives sold to billionaires in nice suits.

Based on Thom Hartmann's award-winning manual "SCREWED! The Undeclared War Against the Middle Class" "iMscrewed" uses GPS technology to locate:

• Where in the world your job went or is going;
• Which corporate jet, limosine or whorehouse was paid for with your tax money;
• Which highway overpasses currently have space available for you to sleep under.

Remember, protecting jobs in America is PROTECTIONISM, which could lead to economic problems that could cost you your job. But, while you are no doubt better off for having your job eliminated, you may want a little help coping with life as an underemployed warning to those few who still have a paycheck.

iMscrewed will enable you to

• Download picture of the vacations enjoyed by the people who eliminated your job
• Take a virtual tour of the Goldman, Sachs headquarters paid for with your tax dollars
• Chart the explosion in the derivatives market that is not only unregulated, but vastly larger than the entire economy of our planet: just like in 1929!

Has the American Dream collapsed for you? Are you feeling a little bit down, now that you will be unable to pass on to your children a living standard comparable to that which your parents gave to you? When you were young, one parent could earn enough to put kids through college, enjoy vacations and have a decent retirement; but now, you'll be living with your kids while holding down three minimum-wage jobs ... if you're lucky!

All this could get you feeling hopeless, but don't worry!  iMscrewed has a host of games to bring back your dreams.

• iHistory: This app furnishes frequent reminders that we've had it just as bad before and overcome them by working together to push our politicians. (Note: this application works very slowly; you may want to quit in dispair too soon)
• iBribe: This app provides the campaign money that every politician needs to get into office or stay in office. The best part of this app is that politicians who refuse to play along get swept out in the next election; the worst part is that you must have $1 million or more to use this app effectively.
• iMhuman: A new problem today is that our economy, and therefore our politics, are controlled by non-human corporations. Powerful servants but dangerous masters, this new form of life uses people to front amoral and reckless actions in service of a single purpose: their growth upon our blood. They must be brought under control: the humans must rise up!

Are you working harder and taking home less pay? Are your health insurance premiums rising faster than your rage and anxiety? Do you feel that the American Dream is slipping away?

Get help! Get iMscrewed!