Saturday, January 04, 2014

A Quiet Friday

After Michele Kramer's memorial,
the reception included WSBA friends
Today was not a bad day, as I set up a schedule of tasks I wanted to get done, and got them done before going off to a memorial service for Michelle Kramer.
I got home after 7, and Kris made a nice dinner using the steamer. It's an odd housemate relationship we're working out, but it doesn't seem fraught or bad - not as good as being married, but better than being out on the street I suppose. I had a nice chat with Ginger while helping her pack up some electronics; this house's connection to the internet is via our phones now, which saves money on the cable that we used only for the internet.

Thursday, January 02, 2014

January 1 Didn't Have to Be Stinking Drunk Day

New Year's Day started out tolerably well. I made coffee and we read the paper. I did chores while Kris baked a pecan pie for Ken and Crystal's traditional New Year's Day waffle party brunch.
Kris noticed our money ball was broken. It falls down sometimes when someone opens the curtains carelessly, and a couple of the coins have shattered. I don't believe in all that woo-woo stuff, but it was a fun little token and the first time we put it up, a check arrived in the mail, which was a happy thing to think about. Now we are facing disaster; perhaps the broken token is to blame.
I put happy little notes on about 10 jars of our homemade tomato sauce, to gift our neighbors, and we walked the block distributing them together. The notes read:
"Happy New Year from Michelle Kowkittycat McCord, Shadow "The Hugger" McCord, Impromptu Damkat (Underfoot) McCord, Kris McCord & Randy Winn! We love our neighborhood and hope you enjoy the canned sunshine from 9018 13th.'
I really do love my neighborhood, and I have worked for years to make this the place where I am planted, to do my work and create my creations as long as I breath. I grieves me more than I can express that this may all fall apart because Kris decided not even to try to make our marriage work.
The party and Ken and Crystal's went pretty much as usual - lots of food, lots of chat -  but with the extra sauce of Kris' angry depression emerging as she went about the task of getting drunk. We were latecomers but the waffles were available on demand and I took two, for this was to be my carbohydrate Last Hurrah. I am going on the serious diet thereafter, both for my blood pressure and also generally in service of developing my future.
There are people at that party who I see only at that party; their children grow year by year and what once were infants are now precocious schoolchildren. This is quite amusing. I had a long chat with one guy who is an IT professional and his wife, whose profession I forget, and their daughter who was the only girl present ... she was quite happy playing outside with the boys but ultimately they left her behind so she came in and played guessing games with us. This was fun.
I also had a long chat with a chiropractor named something like Chip and a little bit with his wife, also a chiro. The noteworthy thing about these conversations is that they were not monologues, but actual conversations, which was a noteworthy contrast to the general run of talk there and, for that matter, at too many parties.
Eventually the other guests drifted off. Kris had brought an expensive bottle of Amerone and with either that or some beer Ken found, went into the basement to discuss the marital difficulties everyone was having. She got literally stinking drunk - that is, I could smell her pores exuding that odor I would sometimes get from Eric when he had had way too much. She had difficulty walking and processing conversation; there was a noticeable pause when she took in what one had said and formulated a reply. Her facial expression was generally angry, and it was very interesting to see the way her eyebrows moved up and down as she reacted. I heard her talking to Ken and weeping as she told the story of Larry, not for the first time. She had told that story over and over, in much the same time, many times this year and to many people.
I was grateful that she had appeared to hold it together while most of the guests were present, although the chiropractors who were last to leave must have noticed something; they did not strike me as stupid.
Eventually Kris literally tottered into the living room, quite drunk and sat, peering at me and muttering darkly; when I asked if she would like something, that she would like to do something all right. For a moment it seemed she was thinking about hitting me with a cup of tea, but she then set it down untasted; I never did see her take a sip of anything without alcohol in it. From time to time she glared at me, and then looked at someone else and made a remark that may or may not have been relevant. She sure as hell wasn't talking to me even though I seated myself next to her on the couch and addressed her.
When it got to be 10 o'clock Ken and Crystal started their usual ineffectual attempts to get Karl to go to bed. He has their measure as parent fairly well, and played them for about 10 minutes, but was about to leave when Kris expressed interest in the Minecraft game he had been playing. He obligingly showed her some features while the parents watched helplessly; after all, their poor drunk friend wanted to see how a videogame worked so what could they do - they are only the parents, after all. It was disgusting. I can only hope that Karl didn't especially notice that the strange lady embracing him was drunk and decide that this was normal.
When Ken and Kris went into the kitchen to have another weepy conference, Crystal continued talking to me about something meaningless, like Minecraft of something. I had finally had enough; they were using my friendship and my good manners to pretend that nothing was going on, and the result was that Kris was getting drunk late (for her) at night before she had to go to work and I was being used for transportation and general entertainment. How long would I play my part?
When it got to be 10:30 PM I really had my doubts whether Kris intended ever to stop. I therefore asked Kris if she was working tomorrow; when she said yes, I said then it was time to go. She glared at me, but started to get up and figure out how to get her sweatshirt on (she hadn't worn a coat) when Crystal asked a question about CLE credit. Kris, who when sober has a great deal of experience helping lawyers with things like this, made a stern drunken gesture shushing us and proceeded to start helping her. This might have actually been useful, but in her inebriated state Kris could not absorb the information on the web pages which pretty clearly showed the problem - Crystal didn't know how to look up the WSBA MCLE ID of courses she had taken or to fill out a Form 1 for those that had no such ID. Kris was in no condition to help her which, considering her more than a decade of doing just that, is a testament to the amount of incapacity she had poured into her brain.
I looked over their shoulders and started giving directions; after a glare or two, Kris drifted off. It was, incidentally, quite interesting to see someone actually use some of the free CLE information I had posted, although I was somewhat disappointed to note that while one of the recordings was "expired" in Washington State; no-one had bothered to tell me so I could take it off the list for WA. Eventually I got Crystal set up; it was mostly just a question of following the directions on the website and it was quite discouraging to see how difficult that was for the user. It was also necessary to fill out a Form 1 for a couple of the courses, which should not have been either difficult or a surprise.
This ate up another half hour, which I didn't resent because it was an actual problem and could be solved, although the timing was highly inconsiderate. It was evident that Kris was not going to make a move toward going home and I was getting more than a little tired of dancing around the subject, so I came straight out and said that I was working tomorrow and was therefore going home, and asked if Kris was coming or staying. She seemed puzzled and angry but got her sweatshirt, and then another conversation broke out about what to do with the leftovers. Finally we got to the door and Ken and Crystal, who after all have been our friends for a long time and generally speaking good friends, gave the ritual thanks for our coming and hope that we would come again. I gave the ritual thanks, sincerely enough, and added that I expected our future visits to be dry, because alcoholism is a serious medical condition. They seemed vaguely puzzled at the non-ritual reply.

As I drove off carefully, for although I had had only one drink and that hours before, I was pretty sure others on the road might not have been so moderate, we said little at first but gradually turned to the usual topics. Kris seemed to express some sort of gratitude that I was being helpful, took my hand and used the line that we would somehow get through this; I suppose it's a real enough sentiment, but with a drunk who knows? it's also a way of avoiding taking responsibility.

Kris and I had a little conversation on the ride home. She was drunk, sad and confused but I am getting a little tired of her using that as a reason for not accepting that her problems are entirely of her own making. I asked her if she would set up an appointment with the Employee Assistance Program and, as before, she said that she would. This of course was just more drunk talk for "leave me alone".
Since the plan for tomorrow is to meet at the Y as usual, I asked how she wanted to keep paying for the Y. I had just switched it to the Amex and she wanted to close that down, so how should we continue it? (She had revealed to me that the Amex had been a source of worry to her. She seemed genuinely unaware that I had no access to that card's statement, since it came in her name, I avoided opening her mail, and when I asked about it, got annoyed. This seems to have been behind part of her professed surprise that I had thought it was an account that she used; I had always thought that it was her account since she never showed me the statement and when I asked about it, resisted showing me the statement and even expressed anger. She now claims that she never used it and seems to have resented paying for it. This entire source of friction between us was due to me not demanding forcefully enough to see the statement of a card which she refused to show me, and her not figuring out that I had concluded from this that it was a card that she used. That entire mess could have been avoided.)

So what am I to do? What is my duty to her? What is my duty to myself?
  • I have to take care of my client who depend on me to handle their cases. None of this is their fault; if I can't give them 100% service then I need to hand them off in a timely way.
  • I have to take care of my personal and financial well-being. This includes being entirely non-compromising as to my rights in my life savings and retirement plans, as invested in my home. 
  • If I can do the above and have bandwidth left over, I owe it to Kris to help her. I did love her, but I can't afford to do that anymore. Also, if she won't help herself, I'm also wasting my time. I had to cut Eric loose, I suppose I will have to cut Kris loose too. I am sad about this.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Plans for 2014


  • Maintain and improve health and housing situation. I'll be resuming the diet that worked so well for me about 10 years ago, stepping up to exercising 5 times a week, and continuing to improve my housing - after all, I'm going to be living here another 30 years so anything I do will pay off in the long run 
  • Regularize my delivery of pro bono legal services through the Veterans Pro Bono Consortium Project. I'm currently handling one case, and by the end of 2014 should be experienced enough to start a pipeline
  • Get Veterans and Friends of Puget Sound organized and humming. January will be a key month for this, as we have a necessary bit of time to regroup and reorganize; the goal is that it should be as efficient and regular as 4freeCLE.
  • Keep expanding 4freeCLE. There has to be a way to extend its reach to provide more service.


Monday, December 30, 2013

The Archdruid Report's favorite bible verses

From The Archdruid Report
Here are the passages I found in which Jesus tells his followers that they have a duty to take care of children, the poor, and other vulnerable people: Matthew 18:6, 18:10, 19:21, 23:14, and 25:31-46; Mark 9:36-37, 10:21, and 12:40; and Luke 10:30-37, 11:41, 12:33, 14:12-14, 18:22, and 20:47.

Here are the passages in which Jesus tells his followers to pay their taxes without complaining: Matthew 5:42, 17:24-27, and 22:19-21; Mark 12:14-17; and Luke 6:30 and 20:21-25.

Here are the passages in which Jesus tells his followers that they aren’t supposed to obsess about other people’s sins, but should leave that to God, and attend to their own moral failings instead: Matthew 7:1-5 and 9:10-13; Mark 2:15-17; Luke 6:37, 6:41-42, 7:44-48, 15:2, 18:10-14, and 19:7; and John 8:2-11.

And here are the passages in which Jesus tells his followers to blame the poor and vulnerable for their plight, direct benefits toward the already well-to-do at the expense of everyone else, refuse to pay their fair share of taxes, and obsessively denounce and punish the sins of people they don’t like while finding every opportunity to excuse their own sins and those of their friends:


Well done! Read More Here

I Have Just About Had Enough Of 2013

Let's look at the casualty list:
  • My mother, Doris Regina Receveur Winnie
  • My father-in-law Larry
  • My client, William L. Booker
  • My friend Michel Kramer
  • My marriage (which technically may have only been a zombie laid to rest once Larry's death freed Kris from being economically dependent on my meager assistance - but since I didn't know it was dead, it was more of a Schrödinger's cat - lively enough so long as we didn't check.)
Various other people are unwell - Charlotte's husband Jim, my sister-in-law's father, many others.
I suppose I should be cheered by the signs of life; our block is chock full of babies - or toddlers now I suppose - who are delightful to see as they grow weekly. But we're still in the dark of the year, and the way forward is quite uncertain, now that I have been betrayed by my partner. 
Relationships can die; that's just a fact. I should have recognized that there was a problem, which Kris absolutely refused do discuss any problem. But what the heck, love and inertia are powerful forces, and it sure seemed like we were building a future together, so to the extent I thought about things we didn't talk about, I figured we'd work it out somehow. After all, we talked ALL THE TIME about the future we were building together. I put a lot of effort into arranging things so that by the time Kris retired, she would have no worries, and asked her at least once a quarter if she was comfortable with my irregular employment (book sales, mystery shopping, etc.) She always said yes, I should continue as is because it enabled me to do my charitable and meaningful work. 
I took her at her word.
That's another thing to leave behind with 2013.

4freeCLE: Free Continuing Legal Education! - December 29, 2013

4freeCLE: Free Continuing Legal Education!
If mail is truncated, see "Show Whole Message" or try  http://www.4freeCLE.com
December 29, 2013
In This Issue
Webcasts
Alabama
Alaska
Arkansas
Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
District of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Michigan, Maryland + Massachusetts
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nevada
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
South Dakota
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virgin Islands
Virgina
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
Archive


For AV CLE On Demand, SeeRewinn's Guide to Free CLE: Your State



Sylvie Roberts
Earn CLE Anywhere!
Webcasts



CLE State-by-State

Each of these programs can earn you credit, at no cost, in the state in which it is listed. 
In some cases, the programs require that attorneys attending apply for credit via reciprocity or other rules; check with the credit-granting authority in your state.



Alabama


Alaska


Arkansas


Free CLE Arizona
Arizona


CaliforniaFree CLE California


Free CLE - ColoradoColorado


Connecticut
Connecticut does not have a mandatory CLE requirement at this time. Any of the programs may be of interest to Connecticut lawyers, including the free webcasts above.



Delaware


District of Columbia
DC does not have a mandatory CLE requirement at this time. The webcasts and other programs listed above may be of interest to lawyers licensed there.


FloridaFree CLE Florida


Georgia


Hawaii


Idaho


IllinoisFree CLE Illinois
For AV CLE, see Rewinn's Guide to Free CLE: Illinois.


Indiana


Iowa


Kansas


Kentucky


Louisiana


Maine

Michigan, Maryland + Massachusetts
Michigan, Maryland & Massachusetts do not have a mandatory CLE requirement at this time. The webcasts and other programs listed above may be of interest to lawyers licensed in there.


Minnesota


Mississippi


Missouri


Montana


Nebraska


Nevada


New Hampshire


New Jersey


New Mexico


Free CLE - New York
New York


North Carolina


North Dakota


Ohio


Oklahoma


Oregon


Pennsylvania


Rhode Island 


South Carolina 


South Dakota 
South Dakota does not have a mandatory CLE requirement; the webcasts and other programs listed above may be of interest to lawyers licensed there.


Tennessee


TexasFree CLE - Texas


Utah


Vermont


Virgin Islands


Virginia


Washington 
For more AV CLE, see Rewinn's Guide to Free CLE: Washington State.


West Virginia


Wisconsin



Wyoming


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