Scandal Shortage Rocks Capital

Washington D.C. - Washington's toughest pundits were shocked to discover that they had run out of scandals to report on breathlessly.

"We thought this would go on forever," sobbed George Will, "But we're reduced to reporting on the second Mrs. McCain's theft of recipes for her web page, and her $250,000 earrings!"

"The Democrats are to blame," explained Bill O'Reilly, "We've investigated Obama's pastor. We've investigated his kindergarten. We've even tracked down his grandmother, but she won't talk. Why isn't his great-grandparents available to give us one more scandal? Can we make something out of that?"

Hope flared briefly when Hillary Clinton was seen doing shooters at a Pennsylvania bar. However, she held her liquor and Vomitgate disappeared after only an hour of speculation on Fox News.

"With no scandals to report," agonized Sean Hannity, "What will we report on? Global Warming? Insane budget deficits? Death in Iraq? Those are all such bummers, they aren't really news!"

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8 Ridiculous Political Ads From The 2008 Presidential Race

Here are the eight most ridiculous political ads (so far) from the 2008 campaign trail. C'mon have some fun:
see them here

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Anti-Semitic Remarks from Palin's Church: Exact Text with Links

Here's the exact text of the anti-semitic remarks Sarah Palin heard, and made no objection to, August 17, 2008 in her church. This is yet another attack on Jews in the old style, blaming them for the terrorists attack they suffer, as "judgment" from God because they rejected Jesus.

Let me quote the remarks at length, with emphasis added, so you can decide for yourself (I don't want you to think I'm quoting stuff out of context) with links at the end.

"And now Jesus in that temple, just before going to the cross, says, ‘From now on this place is desolate.’

And Jesus’ words have echoed down through the centuries. Not a generation after He uttered this promise, Titus and his Roman legions marched into that city and destroyed both the city and the temple. And from that day until this very present there has been no temple, and there is therefore no sacrifice in Judaism. Only we could sacrifice in...the only place was in the temple. And therefore there has been, and there is today, no confidence of atonement, no confidence of forgiveness. If you were to stand outside of a synagogue on the day of atonement and ask those leaving the service, “Did God hear your prayers? Were your sins forgiven on this most holy of all days?” the answer would be, “I hope. I hope, but who can know?” Who indeed but those of us who have come under the wings of the Almighty, who’ve entered into that place of grace where forgiveness is assured for the dilemma of human life.

Judgment is very real and we see it played out on the pages of the newspapers and on the television. It’s very real.

When Isaac was in Jerusalem he was there to witness some of that judgment, some of that conflict, when a Palestinian from East Jerusalem took a bulldozer and went plowing through a score of cars, killing numbers of people.
Judgment—you can’t miss it."

FULL TEXT (unless it's been deleted):

http://www.wasillabible.org/sermon_files/2008_Transcripts/The%20Jerusalem%20Dilemma.doc

AUDIO:
http://wasillabible.org/sermon_files/2008_Sermons/wbc080817.mp3

AUTHENTICATION:
Webpage: Sermons from Wasilla Bible Church http://wasillabible.org/sermons.htm

Click on entry: 8-17-08 David Brickner Matt 23:37-39 The Jerusalem Dilemma

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Wasilla: a New Unit of Measure

DC - The McCain campaign unveiled a new unit of measurement today: the Wasilla.

"Most of Sarah Palin's experience comes from being the mayor of that town," explained McCain, "It had around 5000 citizens back then. This gives a useful way to contrast her overwhelming experience against that of our opponents."

"For example, the entire U.S. Congress is about one-tenth of a Wasilla. One-tenth! Sarah managed a town ten times larger than the entire Congress!"

"Likewise, when Senator Barack Obama accepted the presidential nomination, only 17 Wasillas saw the speech live. Seventeen - that's absurdly small! Although to be fair, about 7600 Wasillas watched on TV."

McCain proposed a related unit of measure: the Wasillapork, or the amount of earmarked money Palin got from U.S. taxpayers per resident of Wasilla, or about $3,000. "Nationwide, the Wasillapork average is 0.01 or about $30 per citizen," explained McCain. "Palin will be a great help dealing with pork, since she got a lot of experience with it in her home town."

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Container Garden Salad: Tasty and Cheap!

I am happy to have just enjoyed my first salad prepared from greens grown in my tiny city container garden. By sprouting greens at weekly intervals, I believe that I shall have one fresh salad a week until the weather turns inconvenient. Given the Puget Sound area's moderate climate and the sheltered position of my containers, I'm hoping to get some greens throughout the year, albeit at a slower pace in the winter.

Let me recommended containering on whatever surface you may have in the city. It's gustitorily satisfying, good for the planet and very economical !

GOP: Gamble On Palin

I think it's pretty cool that, after more than 20 years, the Republican Party has decided to follow the lead of the Democrats and recognize that women can be president, too.

It's a pity that they didn't pick someone with experience: Senator Olympia Snowe, or Kay Bailey Hutchison. Even Condi Rice, the most unsuccessful National Security Adviser and Secretary of State in history, would be a vaguely plausible pick. I'd disagree with most of their policies, but at least they could demonstrate that they knew what the Vice-President is for.

But Sarah Palin? Who just last month stated she didn't know what the VP did?

When asked on CNBC about her prospects for the Vice-Presidency, she replied:

“I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me, what is it exactly that the V.P. does every day?”

(See it on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7iG0YUQ1Kw )

You shouldn't be able to graduate from high school without knowing the answer to this. Yet she wants to be America's backup in case something happens to the President?

This raises a serious problem: should we be outraged at the blatant tokenism, or incapacitated with laughter?

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Moving = Stairmaster with Weights!

Whew! We spent all Saturday in a free advanced stairmaster class, featuring weights and team exercises. You may have heard of this regime; it's better known as "moving a family from a 2nd story apartment to another building's third story apartment, no elevators allowed!"

For warmup, we moved the pre-boxed items to a casual tempo; the day stretched long before us as we languidly assumed we'd be done by lunch.

All too soon we graduated to the power items: the televisions. Since we'd gone cold turkey off the electronic brainsuckers years ago, we were surprised by their weight; it seems the lead shielding needed to prevent bodily damage from radiation is sufficient to induce bodily damage from back strain. Proper form is absolutely essential: lift with vertical spine only!

The Dresser of Infinite Weight: enough said!

We ended the session with sundown cardio sprints, lots of relatively small 25-pound items, hustled upstairs as we'd noticed that the day had disappeared. As with any exercise, breath makes all the difference ... it's o.k. to give a healthy ki-yai when lifting and to ignore the teenagers snickering "It sounds like you're playing tennis, Uncle Randy!")

The session proved successful, with ample muscle soreness and a gentle dappling of bruises on the thighs.

Once again, frequently hydration and ibuprofen win the day, and we carried off a valuable lesson: "We gotta go home and get rid of lot of our stuff before this happens to us!"