Which Religion Is Best For My Corporation?

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations can have religions, Chief Executives must address the question : Which religion is best for my corporation?

American corporate officers may reflexively default to Judeo-Christianity, but this is rarely the correct choice. Regardless of which variation you select (Catholicism? Southern Baptist? Judaism?) there are just too many elements working against maximizing shareholder value. All those verses about helping the poor and healing the sick do not add to the corporate bottom line!

Responsible CEOs will investigate options pertinent to their industry, such as:

• Aerospace: Sky gods are the logical choice here. Zeus, Jupiter, Apollo, and even Thor can improve aircraft safety records by enforcing favorable weather patterns, whilst playing havoc with competitors.
• Shipping: A sea god is the obvious pick. No-one should set out to sea without making an offering to Poseiden, Neptune or the Viking Ægir. Best of all: it's tax deductible!
• Finance: No question here: Mammon has been worshipped by bankers and financiers since the dawn of time. The best part of worshipping Mammon is His Divine Aversion to any sort of regulatory oversight or taxation.

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