Top 5 Results From St. Edward Park Meeting January 14, 2014

Copper River Salmon
Meets Metal Bear
In Meeting Room Lobby

Last night I attended a Washington State Parks meeting about St. Edward Park. It was pretty lively, in large part to the bid for lease that evaporated once the State was compelled to disclose the name of the potential lessee. In an attempt to lower the temperature, or to amuse myself, I composed this list of what I learned from the meeting:

Top 5 Results From St. Edward Park Meeting January 14, 2014

• PUBLIC FLOGGING:
  Parks did not bring a single cat o'nine tails to the meeting for the public flogging of their employees. This was a grave disappointment. Who doesn't love a public flogging? The Legislature is to blame, because there is no appropriation in the Parks budget for even a single cat o'nine tails!
  ACTION ITEM:
  Contact Legislators to increase appropriations for Park.
• STICKY NOTE SYSTEM:
  This gave an unfair advantage to citizens with neat handwriting. Personally, I have a loud voice and my failure to grasp the Palmer Method drove Sister Mary Michael Francis to leave the Little Sisters. Why should nerds who have mastered the art of drawing the letter "K" have the same right to comment as me [1]?
  ACTION ITEM:
  Hire amanuensis.
• *WATER DAMAGE:
  Parks staff talked a lot about water damage, but did they bring any? No! Did they offer suggestions on how volunteers could help them fight this threat? No!
  ACTION ITEM:
  Drink more water. Every little bit helps!
• MONEY PRINTING:
  The parks staff made no mention of the inherent power of parks to print money. In the early 1970s I was the editor of St. Edward's "Quill" and our old mimeograph should be around somewhere. Volunteers should be able to print enough cash to pay for repairs.
  ACTION ITEM:
  Contact legislators about money-printing machine.
• ERROR MAKING:
  The Legislature has authorized state employees to innovate, but not to make mistakes. It's just like in the private sector - every time you try something new, you are going to make mistakes, and there is a limited supply of mistakes to go around. Every mistake a state employee makes means one less for the private sector, which is pretty selfish of them. At the very least, if the public is involving in rule making, why not allow public involvement in error making?!
  ACTION ITEM:
  Make more mistakes at home and at work. To maintain the karmic balance, Parks will naturally make fewer mistakes. Everybody wins!

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[1] Should be "I" not "me".  /s/ Sister Mary Michael Francis.