Top Five Tips On How To Dress For The #Rapture



Make Sure That The
Last Thing Your Friends See
Of You Is Memorable!

1. Keep Your Legs Together While Rapturing! No-one who is Left Behind to face the agonizing Last Days wants to see your hoo-hah as you ascend into bliss. (Men in kilts: this includes you!)
2. NEVER wear a thong to the Rapture! If you're the kind of girl who wears a thong, you're probably not going to be Raptured anyway.
3. A truly modest woman will wear bloomers (as illustrated). You will probably wish to shave your legs but a bikini wax is not necessary. Maybe you have to suffer to be holy, but waxing is just masochism.
4. Do not wear flip-flops during a Rapture. When the supernal ecstasy hits you, you will probably kick off any shoes that are not firmly buckled on. That can put somebody's eye out - have pity on your hell-damn'd former friends!
5. Make sure you have not stepped in anything stinky (e.g. dog poop). As you rise up into the sky, those Left Behind will be smelling your feet. Do you really want to add to their eternal torment?