Bush Sends Ailing Troops to War

Just how SICK a "commander-in-chief" do you have to BE to send a guy on crutches into a war zone?

"... Master Sgt. Denny Nelson, a 19-year Army veteran, was sent overseas last month despite doctors' orders that he not run, jump or carry more than 20 pounds for three months because of a severe foot injury.

The soldier, who has a Bronze Star and is a member of the Mountain Post's Audie Murphy Chapter, was sent to Kuwait on Dec. 29.
Nelson says he was one of at least 52 soldiers deployed who should not have been, and a veterans group says the military is endangering soldiers to meet its goals..."

MORE INFORMATION from the great VA WATCHDOG:
http://www.vawatchdog.org/08/nf08/nfJAN08/nf011808-8.htm

"Crazy W" proclaims "Dollar Value Days!

Fort Knox, KY - Standing on pallets of $100 bills, Salesman-in-Chief George W Bush announced "Dollar Value Days At The U.S. Treasury".

"Our discount dollar prices are I-N-S-A-A-A-N-E!" he yelped, flinging handfuls of worthless dollars into the audience of foreign dignitaries, whose members jostled to avoid being touched by the toilet paper substitute.

Until recently, the Dollar was a premium brand, commanding high prices throughout the world, prized for its durability and longevity.

That strategy changed with the acquisition of a controlling interest in the U.S. Treasury by a consortium lead by OPEC which installed Bush as CEO of its American subdivision.

Using the methods pioneered by corporate raiders in private industry, Bush swiftly divested the USA of its most valuable assets. He sent our military to eliminate Saudi rivals in the Middle East, and sold the American reputation for respecting human rights for pennies.

But progress was still too slow. "At the rate of only $1 Billion a day," said the salesman nickname "The Decider", "We were indebtifying America to foreigners at too slow a rate. I decided that the strength of the dollar was the greatest threat to our greatness. So I invaded the Treasury and opened the doors to all comers, especially those who bear gifts!"

"The Oval Office is open for business," he chortled, "No offer will be refused!"

In related news, the Office of the Vice-President has been relocated to Dubai.

Stocks Climb in a Negative Direction on News of Bush Plan

Wall Street - Reacting to the latest plan proposed by George W Bush, the stock market climbed in a downward direction around 250 points today.

"That's great news," said White House spokesliar, "An increase in the lowering of the Stock Market shows the degree of Wall Street confidence in Bush's plans and abilities."

Bush plan is straightforward. To increase economic activity, he reduces the amount that businesses pay for their share of government services, such as courts, clean water and defense. "My previous efforts to free business from responsibility," Bush explained, "Worked so well, that I want to do it again!"

To get that part of his plan through, Bush has had to compromise. To get support from persons earning up to $100,000, he offers a $800 individual ($1600 if married) loan from future generations.

"The beauty of tax cuts during deficits," explained Mr. Bush, "Is that it's paid for by loans, and the people who'll have to pay back the loans are too young to talk."

Market reaction was swift, with a strong reverse improvement. Future generations were unavailable for comment.

Pundits Denounce "War On Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr Day"

Charleston, SC - Standing next to the Confederate flag flying on state capital grounds, a group of hypocritical rightwing pundits angrily denounced the War on Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr Day.

As recently as the year 2000, South Carolina state employees could choose to honor a confederate general instead of the assasinated civil rights leader and American patriot. "I mean, this is not Madison, Wisconsin," said Bill O'Reilly said, "Where you expect those people to be communing with Satan up there in the Madison, Wisconsin, media."

The portrayal of a War Against Martin Luther King, Jr Day caught some advertisers by surprise. Pundits had endorsed Wal-Mart's decision to celebrate the holiday as a victory in the culture war battle for those who "want to retain the MLK Day tradition."

Others, however, agreed that the liberal media has ignored Dr. King's message. Said a spokesman for the Holiday Retailers Alliance, "His courage and eloquence taught us that, black or white, red or brown, all Americans should have equal access to 15% off on pillow-top mattresses, with free delivery and disposal of your old mattress."

In related news, Seismologists reported a minor earthquake centered on the grave of the Nobel Peace-Prize winner. "This happens every year, " said a spokesman from The King Center, "The way people forget that his message was equality and non-violence, he's just spinning in his grave."

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http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i29192

No SCHIP, Sherlock!

Recently, Bush veto'd expanding health care for American children because, he said, we couldn't afford another $5 Billion. But today, he says his business buddies need $50 Billion in tax cuts, to stimulate the economy. And the Republican party backs him up, every step of the way.

But let's be positive. Health care stimulates the economy!

Therefore, American children should form a corporation, donate money to Republican PACs, and then demand a chunk of that $50 Billion. They could call it "No-SCHIP, Sherlock, Inc."

A Real Economic Stimulus Plan

$150B = 3 million $50k jobs.

We don't need HANDOUTS.

We need JOBS.

$150Billion pays for 3 MILLION jobs paying $50,000.

Now, those would be for only ONE year but think of the economic stimuus.

Imagine --- 3 MILLION Americans building roads, providing health care, processing VA claims.

McCain proclaims 100 Year Crusade

John McCain told a cheering crowd of his faithful that the Middle East is ripe for liberation from terrorists who would deprive America of our God-given oil.

"Oil Wills It!" he muttered over an open microphone.

"A hundred years in the Middle East would be fine," he explained. "They have been fighting among themselves for over a thousand years. So 100 year, 20,000 American lives and $120 Trillion dollars is not that much more.

"Deluded Iraqis may think we are there for their oil, but what could be farther from the truth? Some day, they will thank us for making them pass an Oil Law opening their fields to multinational corporations."

"Meanwhile," McCain proclaimed to the cheering crowd of arms makers, "The war lets us funnel American taxpayer dollars to you patriotic Americans who gave money to politicians."

Due to FCC restriction on profanity, no veteran of the Iraq occupation was able to offer comment.

Supreme Court Renamed Court Xtreme!

Washington, DC - Responding to growing disrespect for the law, the United States Supreme Court voted 5-4 to rename itself "Court Xtreme!".

"The President has ignored the courts for too long!" said Xtreme Justice Stevens (Ring Name: Bo-Tai). "He suspended habeas corpus, conducted massive domestic spying without judicial oversight, and formed a fourth branch of the government headed by Dick Cheney!"

"Well, we're mad as hell, and we're not going to take it anymore!"
The White House responded swiftly. "Wow!" said spokesmodel Dana Perrino, "Can I get courtside tickets now?"

"Correct citation form now include the exclamation point!" noted Court Xtreme Clerk Gronk the Citator. "Whiney cases that dis our sacred Constitution will be DISmissed with prejudice --- Xtreme Prejudice!"

Chuck Norris, Hulk Hogan and Jackie Chan will provide advice as "friends of the court". Industrial Light and Magic will supply effects. The Constitution was unavailable for comment.

King Abdullah Accepts Tribute from Prince Bush

Riyadh - The generous King Abdullah of the Saudi Empire, Lord of All the Earth by Right of Oil, has graciously consented to accept his quarterly tribute from Prince W of America in the form of advanced American weaponry.

"Prince W had offered the traditional pallet of shrink-wrapped $100 bills and controlling shares in American corporations," explained White House spokesmodel Dana Perrino, "But the fall in the dollar made this not pleasing in the King's sight. Soon, American fighter-bombers and heavy ordinance soon put a smile on His Face. And Prince W sealed the deal by promising to block the feeble American Energy Independence Movement."

The value of the tribute was placed at 20 billions of dollars, representing a few weeks of oil dependency.

Reaction was swift. "To balance the Shiite extremists running Iran," explained Secretary of Deference Gates, "We strengthen the Wahhabist extremists who run Saudi Arabia. It's even better than when we gave Stinger missiles to the Taliban. What could possibly go wrong?"

All ordinance will be carefully stamped with the logo "Not For Use Against Israeli or American Forces. Violators Will Lose their Deposits."

The King and his Prince of America were unable for comment. A special beheading had been scheduled to celebrate the occasion.