The Heart of the Matter

I listened to this awesome lyric tonight by chance, and captured my current state of heart. As the songwriter put it, "the first person to benefit from forgiveness is the one who does the forgiving".
I was with her for more than 10 years, and I don't anticipate ever being over it, but I do think I can forgive. I would certainly be better off forgiving.


I got the call today, I didn't want to hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are those voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah, the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Oh, pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us, you know it doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live with out you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again
I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they've hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby
'Cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger
It'll eat you up inside baby

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So, I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if , even if you don't love me

Forgiveness, forgiveness, baby
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Forgiveness, forgiveness

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Let's see how deep into 2017 I can go without speaking or writing her name. I have a full life and much to do and if I can forgive the loss of 15 years I may find that I have the energy of a young man of 46 ha-ha!