"The Obama Administration has overseen the creation of more private sector jobs in six years than their predecessors did in eight," explained a Fox News detective. "In fact, the number of jobs created in the last year was greater than the number created during the entire Bush Administration. What possible motivation could Obama have for this except to America make worse off by increasing prosperity?"
"Americans with no income don't pay income tax," warned Republican Senator Mitch McConnell. "Putting them to worse results in an increase in tax collections. This is just a Democrat scheme to raise taxes"
"Who benefits the most from new jobs?" asked Bill O'Reilly of Fox News. "Unemployed Americans, who have not been contributing to the economy. Why should they be rewarded with a job when they have not been working?"
"We tried to prevent job creation," said Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We blocked jobs for veterans, we demanded reduced spending on job creation and we cut more than half a million government jobs. The conspiracy to increase employment among Americans just went too deep. 55 months in a row of private sector job creation is enough to make me cry!"
Republicans across the political spectrum, from far rightwing to insanely rightwing, pledged to stop job creation as soon as they take control of Congress. "To save America from the nightmare of jobs," pledged Republican leader Karl Rove, "It may be necessary to destroy it."