(Fearmonger News Alert) - Muslims denouncing terrorist attacks, such as the Charlie Hebdo massacre in Paris, possess a superhuman power of invisibility, according to reports.
"We keep asking where are the Muslims denouncing terror?" asked Sean Hannity. "Every objective sources says they are more than 90% of Muslims, or over a billion people, including the heads of every major Muslim organization in America and Europe - but we can't see them. They are invisible. Doesn't that terrify you?"
"Dalil Boubakeur, the head of the Great Mosque of Paris, condemned the Paris attack as an extremely grave barbaric action, an attack against democracy and the freedom of the press" said Bill O'Reilly, "But in doing so, he bent light rays around his body, so I couldn't see him. It's his own fault, really."
The Anti-Terrorist Muslim Invisibilty Cloak also affects sound, according to Monica Crowley. "I hadn't heard any condemnation of the Paris attacks from Muslims," she said on Fox News' The Real Story. "When Muslims speak, they will start talking and then there is silence. Their mouths keep moving as if they are saying something, but I can't hear it. How do they do that?"
Fox is not the only news channel reporting this phenomenon. CNN reporter Don Lemmon recently asked Muslim-American human rights lawyer Arasalan Iftikhar if he supported ISIS. "Iftikhar started to reply," said Lemon, "And suddenly he disappeared. Poof! The very act of saying he opposed terrorism made him completely invisible to me."
The power of invisibility may not be limited to individuals. "Where are the Muslims denouncing Islamic State in Iraq?" asked ABC News' Laura Ingraham. "Someone told me Nabil al-Arabi, Chief of the Arab League, denounced its crimes against humanity and demanded its leaders be brought to justice. But when I look at a map, I see no 'Arab League'. If an entire group of nations is invisible to us, shouldn't we be endlessly afraid?"
Most alarmingly, this mysterious invisibility even extends to the internet. "I googled 'do Muslims condemn terrorism'" wrote the editor of The Drudge Report, "And although my screen filled up with links, I could not see a single one. What awesome power do Muslims have to render the vast majority of their population invisible?"
"Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!"