|Running For the GOP|
Everyone's Doing It!
"Running for the Republican Presidential ticket has helped me sell a lot of books," said serial candidate Newt Gingrich, "If more people ran for president, they could sell books too!"
"It's not just books," added Herman Cain, failed board member of Aquila Energy. "You can raise money from people without having to worry about giving them a return on their investment. There's always another pack of suckers ready to send you $25. It's like selling pizza only you don't have to provide the pizza!"
Representative Paul Ryan, the brilliant thinker behind the Republican plan to privatize Medicare, explained how it worked. "First, we cut the taxes on the wealthy that have kept them from running for higher office. We then cut the social spending that has discouraged the poor and working class from running for President. Finally, we empower every American to run for President. Some will choose to campaign by purchasing million-dollar ad buys in the media. Others will choose to stand on a street corner asking for campaign contributions. It's the American way!"
Pundits hailed this as a brilliant move. "It came from the Republican Party, so it has to be taken seriously," intoned a man in a suit on television. "Remember, if someone wearing a suit on television tells you something, you are going to believe it!"