Saturday, January 19, 2008

No SCHIP, Sherlock!

Recently, Bush veto'd expanding health care for American children because, he said, we couldn't afford another $5 Billion. But today, he says his business buddies need $50 Billion in tax cuts, to stimulate the economy. And the Republican party backs him up, every step of the way.

But let's be positive. Health care stimulates the economy!

Therefore, American children should form a corporation, donate money to Republican PACs, and then demand a chunk of that $50 Billion. They could call it "No-SCHIP, Sherlock, Inc."

A Real Economic Stimulus Plan

$150B = 3 million $50k jobs.

We don't need HANDOUTS.

We need JOBS.

$150Billion pays for 3 MILLION jobs paying $50,000.

Now, those would be for only ONE year but think of the economic stimuus.

Imagine --- 3 MILLION Americans building roads, providing health care, processing VA claims.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

McCain proclaims 100 Year Crusade

John McCain told a cheering crowd of his faithful that the Middle East is ripe for liberation from terrorists who would deprive America of our God-given oil.

"Oil Wills It!" he muttered over an open microphone.

"A hundred years in the Middle East would be fine," he explained. "They have been fighting among themselves for over a thousand years. So 100 year, 20,000 American lives and $120 Trillion dollars is not that much more.

"Deluded Iraqis may think we are there for their oil, but what could be farther from the truth? Some day, they will thank us for making them pass an Oil Law opening their fields to multinational corporations."

"Meanwhile," McCain proclaimed to the cheering crowd of arms makers, "The war lets us funnel American taxpayer dollars to you patriotic Americans who gave money to politicians."

Due to FCC restriction on profanity, no veteran of the Iraq occupation was able to offer comment.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Supreme Court Renamed Court Xtreme!

Washington, DC - Responding to growing disrespect for the law, the United States Supreme Court voted 5-4 to rename itself "Court Xtreme!".

"The President has ignored the courts for too long!" said Xtreme Justice Stevens (Ring Name: Bo-Tai). "He suspended habeas corpus, conducted massive domestic spying without judicial oversight, and formed a fourth branch of the government headed by Dick Cheney!"

"Well, we're mad as hell, and we're not going to take it anymore!"
The White House responded swiftly. "Wow!" said spokesmodel Dana Perrino, "Can I get courtside tickets now?"

"Correct citation form now include the exclamation point!" noted Court Xtreme Clerk Gronk the Citator. "Whiney cases that dis our sacred Constitution will be DISmissed with prejudice --- Xtreme Prejudice!"

Chuck Norris, Hulk Hogan and Jackie Chan will provide advice as "friends of the court". Industrial Light and Magic will supply effects. The Constitution was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

King Abdullah Accepts Tribute from Prince Bush

Riyadh - The generous King Abdullah of the Saudi Empire, Lord of All the Earth by Right of Oil, has graciously consented to accept his quarterly tribute from Prince W of America in the form of advanced American weaponry.

"Prince W had offered the traditional pallet of shrink-wrapped $100 bills and controlling shares in American corporations," explained White House spokesmodel Dana Perrino, "But the fall in the dollar made this not pleasing in the King's sight. Soon, American fighter-bombers and heavy ordinance soon put a smile on His Face. And Prince W sealed the deal by promising to block the feeble American Energy Independence Movement."

The value of the tribute was placed at 20 billions of dollars, representing a few weeks of oil dependency.

Reaction was swift. "To balance the Shiite extremists running Iran," explained Secretary of Deference Gates, "We strengthen the Wahhabist extremists who run Saudi Arabia. It's even better than when we gave Stinger missiles to the Taliban. What could possibly go wrong?"

All ordinance will be carefully stamped with the logo "Not For Use Against Israeli or American Forces. Violators Will Lose their Deposits."

The King and his Prince of America were unable for comment. A special beheading had been scheduled to celebrate the occasion.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Patriots vs. Bush Crime Family in Superbowl 2008!

Washington, DC - Superbowl 2008 will feature a matchup between the New England Patriots football team and the Bush Crime Family.

"The Patriots would defeat any professional football team," said a spokesman, "So now it's time to score some yardage against those who have betrayed our great nation."

The Crime Family has a reputation for a strong defense, but their actual record is just the opposite. Early in the season, the Family ignored scouting reports and was surprised by an Al Qaeda aerial offensive.

It did better against the Taliban, scoring heavily in the first quarter, but blew its lead with the infamous "Tora Bora" play. In position to take bin Ladin out of the game, the Family instead pulled its professional talent and hired local players who, predictably, fumbled. The Family never recovered the offensive since it had set its best players into training for the next game.

The third game started with League officials insisted Iraq wasn't on the football schedule. The Family produced a PowerPoint presentation proving that Iraq had a football team ready to launch at America. No Iraqi football was ever found; Coach Bush later claimed it was a misunderstanding since what most of the world calls "football" the Americans call "soccer".

Throwing away the rule book, the Family tried plays that left fans deserting its side. Without any rules on how to score the plays in Iraq or even to define an ending, the game in Iraqi went into multiple overtime, leading to cancellation of matches against Iran, North Korea, Cuba and Bermuda.

This record does not make Patriots confident of overcoming the Family. "The Bush Crime Family's priority is not victory on the field," said a spokesman, "It's a profit-making organization. And no-one is better at separating fans and taxpayers from their money."

Sunday, January 13, 2008

VotePoke: Keep Your Right to Vote

How do you KNOW you are registered to vote?

You voted last year, huh? Well so what. The Republican Party worked very hard to throw thousands of validly registered voters off the rolls in 2004 and 2006. They'll try again in 2008, you can bet on it!

But - you can fight back by checking your voter registration online at http://votepoke.org

Voter registrations are PUBLIC information. The GOP uses this information to match again lists of voters who are likely to vote Democratic, and then submit forms swearing that they know those voters don't live at that address - usually committing perjury the process, but they haven't been prosecuted. See http://projectvote.org/issues/voter-caging.html

The 1st thing to do is to confirm you're still registered at your home address (or change your registration to match your home address): http://votepoke.org

The next thing is to pass this information to people who you think would find it interesting. Regardless of political affiliation, all American citizens have the right to vote!

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