Monday, February 03, 2020

Seattle Area Attacked, Blinded by Sudden Appearance of Flaming Orb Floating in Sky

Public Health officials are reporting that thousands if not millions of Seattle area residents were suddenly struck in the face with spring-like rays of blinding ultra-violet light today, mercilessly ripping dilated pupils closed everywhere.
“There was no warning, no veil of clouds to cushion the blow – just smacked me straight in my poor fucking eyes,” said Terry Perkins, who was optometrically mauled this morning while stepping out to buy tortilla chips. “Can’t see a damn thing now — not that I wanted to see the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl anyway. It’s missing J. Lo and Shakira shake what their mama gave them at halftime that’s hitting me hardest right now.”
Investigators are still trying to understand exactly where the burning ball of gas came from or what it wants from us. “A Seattle winter is supposed to be nothing but a safe and predictable cascade of avalanches, landslides and floods stewing beneath a solid blanket of gray rain and fog,” said meteorologist Stan Upton, shaking his head. “And now we’ve got this menacing furnace in the sky so hot I didn’t even wear my jacket today. Hopefully by tomorrow this blinding nightmare will all be over and it’ll be back to business as usual: Rain boots, waterproof jackets, and making fun of people more effectively staying dry under umbrellas.”

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There's More To Learn About Sex

Fascinating discussion about at least 4 variables in determining sex in humans. Wow!

  • Chromosomal Sex (XX female vs XY male)
  • Genetic Sex (SRY gene)
  • Hormonal Sex (Doesn't always match the above)
  • Cell Receptor Sex (Hormones don't matter much if the cells don't have the receptors)

    So that is 2-to-the-4th power combinations that we know of.
    Maybe it's best just to be cool about this.

It Ain't Easy When You're A Trump Supporter

ALL THE WITNESSES: Ok we all agree. This is what happened.
REPUBLICANS: None of you were in the room!
BOLTON: *raises hand* Well I was in the...
REPUBLICANS: Who asked you?! Shut up! You’re a liberal pawn!
BOLTON: Um... I’m actually I’m a lifelong Republican and I was literally Trump’s national security advi...
REPUBLICANS: Shut your mustache! Somebody bring back the first national security advisor.
FLYNN: *in orange jumpsuit* Hey sorry guys I’m in jail lol.
FLYNN: For lying to the FBI about the Russia investigation.
REPUBLICANS: Well what idiot told you to do that?!
FLYNN: The Pres...
REPUBLICANS: Shut up! No one believes either of you!
KELLY: *raises hand* I believe them. And I was Trump’s Chief of sta...
REPUBLICANS: Shut up! Let’s talk to the current chief of staff. Who is he?
MULVANEY: *raises hand* It’s me. Sort of. Well, I'm the act...
REPUBLICANS: Shit. Never mind.
PARNAS: *raises hand* I was also in the room. In fact, here’s a cell phone video of the President saying that...
REPUBLICANS: Wait what?! How in hell did you sneak a cell phone into a meeting with the President?
PARNAS: It was easy. I just walked right in and...
REPUBLICANS: Shut up! You’re a criminal!
PARNAS: Correct. So I just walked right into...
TRUMP: I don’t know him.
PARNAS: And here’s 500 pictures of me with the President because we’re besties.
REPUBLICANS: Wait... What idiot introduced you to the President??
PARNAS: His personal lawyer.
COHEN: *also in orange jumpsuit* Hey no sorry guys I’m in jail too. Oops.
COHEN: For campaign finance violations.
REPUBLICANS: Whose campaign?
COHEN: The Pres...
REPUBLICANS: Shut up! Who was the campaign chair??
MANAFORT: *also in orange jumpsuit* Yeah. Me. Also in jail. Heyyyy.
PARNAS: It was Giuliani.
YOVANOVITCH: Giuliani! That’s the guy who had me fired from my job!
REPUBLICANS: Who are you??
YOVANOVITCH: I was the ambassador to Ukraine.
REPUBLICANS: Wait, you had her fired? Do you work for the government??
GIULIANI: Nope. But I figured no one really follows any rules around here so...
REPUBLICANS: Well who is the ambassador to the European Union??
SONDLAND: *raises hand* It's me. I was also in the roo...
PUTIN: *rubs his bare chest*
by James Tabeek

Sunday, February 02, 2020

Jennifer Lopez Is 50 Years Old And More Fit Than You

I don't know, but I been told / If you dance all night you'll never grow old ...

Yes, they works hard to get to that level.
That's how it works!

"Just A Bunch Of Tweets From Super Bowl Viewers Who Can't Believe That J.Lo Is 50 And Shakira is 43" - by David Mack, BuzzFeed, Posted on February 2, 2020, at 8:44 p.m. ET.

Now instead of sitting around going "wow", why not turn off the TV and go dance?

Nothing helps you sleep like a good book

The Tennyson is from the family home; I don't whether it came from Mom's side or Dad's side.
Arthur just likes his comforts!