Friday, September 19, 2008

Marty And Bronze: Much Happiness!

Thanks to the same change in California law enabling Captain Sulu to "make an honest man" of his true love, an old high school buddy is finally marrying his partner of 25+ years .. and this has lead to much merriment, perhaps some confusion, among our high school alums.

You must understand that our school was a Catholic seminary, and by official rule as homophobic as possible. I was raised traditionally ("strong-father authoritarian" per George Lakoff) and went along with the attitude. Heck, I was a teenager, what did I know?

However, Martin was one of my best friends. Technically, he was my 2nd best friend; I suppose a ranking systems was very important back then (authoritarianism again, I suppose.) and we shared an amiable nerdishness. His interest in electronics sufficiently rubbed off on me to provide the vocabulary to talk myself into a work-study job in the Michigan State Univerity Computer Center instead of doing dishes the Brody Cafeteria, as a result of which I graduated with employable skills to supplement a worthless liberal arts degree. So I have Marty to thank for so much including my current happily married state ... but I disgress.

Martin was solidly established as my buddy when he came out to me (NOT to the public at large, you may be sure!) We were on some sort of anti-abortion walkathon (Catholic seminary, remember?), and around about mile 10 were running short of conversation. I don't know what prompted his disclosure, but it took only one sentence, after which I had a few miles to think about it, deciding it didn't make any difference to our friendship. (That's really the best way to change minds.) Thus I have him to thank also for relief from the customary and reflexive homophobia of that time and my station.

(The only bad part about the conversation was that around about mile 15 he told me his sister was gay too. This was a great disappointment to me what with her being extremely hot; but then he said he was only kidding about that, so I resumed my customary state of nerdishly hopeless desire.)

Zoom forward to 2008. Many of our seminary alumni retain old attitudes (... Lawfuls, you know how they are... ) and express them as they feel required on our listserve. I have more than once been the target of prayers, which were no doubt well meant so I don't really mind.

Therefore, when Marty & Bronze invited me by snailmail to their nuptials, it was not only my duty but my pleasure to announce the joyful tidings on that listserve. Don't we all want to hear of happy events? Don't we all want to tweak the Happy Fun Ball?

In the announcement, I didn't use of any gendered pronouns, thus leaving it up to the reader to decide about the wedding. Was I being kind in avoiding needless conflict, or being a trickster? I don't know. "Bronze" sounds male to me, but if you didn't know Marty was gay, would you assume his love just had a funny name?

I await the joyful Mazel Tovs and/or S'lichot with glee.

And ... anyway ... good luck all you newlyweds. I, with two divorces, was a greater threat to marriage than ever you were!

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