Monday, August 18, 2014

Step 4: Recharging Monday

Step for in How To Be Positive:
Understand that we all need and deserve time to recharge. If we just got out of a bad relationship, or we simply need a break from the hustle and bustle of your life, we mustn't be afraid to take some time off
This is a hard one at the moment, but I suppose it's a hard one at any moment.
I *did* take a week to go to my WNEC class reunion, and that was a great thing. I came back very much renewed.
For this week, I think I will not take any new audits until I have made some noticeable progress on getting some new CAVC cases and reducing my Amazon stock. Both of these are things that need doing and are a change from my recent habits!
I *did* get through Monday with almost no contact with negative influences. Around 7pm I went upstairs because customarily I had gotten coffee then. Kris was drinking reheated leftover coffee from yesterday; she hadn't had time to set up the coffeemaker after she got home last night or this morning, which was fine; this is a good time to continue my transition to less caffeine. Later, I accidentally greeted Kris as I was leaving to go deposit a check - she happened to be walking north toward home on 13th. I had been cooking sausages and alerted her not to be concerned about the odor of cooking. Finally, when I got home and had done a little gardening (the plants needed a drink after this hot day) I called up the stairs that I was showering and not to run water unless she wanted to hear screaming. This seemed like a harmless but necessary contact.
Every time I have a harmless contact, it makes me think that we might have a normal and friendly relationship but this is a trap. When she's been drinking she gets angry and if I'm there she gets angry at me; I just have to stay away, that's all. Even when she's sober, she reacts to happy news on my part as a chance to advance her demands; for example, when I said that I had petitioned for fees in my CAVC case ... something to which a normal person would respond with "congratulations" (as evidenced by the actual congratulations I got from every other friend I told) Kris took the opportunity to ask me very nicely to work on the taxes. She was polite about it and I felt a pathetic gratitude and even hope that she was using nice words, but in retrospect it was a negative interaction - a hammer wrapped in silk is better than a hammer with no silk but it is a hammer none the less.
I finished off Monday setting up my plan for tomorrow. I see with delight that there is a convenient class at the Fauntleroy Y in the morning and can shape the morning around that - making it a recharging day in every way.

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