A newly discovered batch of well-preserved dinosaur buzzwords, petrified position papers, and even candidates could provide new clues about life in the Republican Party some 62 million ballots ago.
The Bureau of Land Management called the find, near Republican Party headquarters, "a major dinosaur fossil discovery." Excavation revealed at least four saurogops, which are small-brained lobbyist-loving dinosaurs, and two drugivorous talkradiodrones; it may have also uncovered an herbsmoking libertaridolt.
The site doesn't contain any new species ("There is never really anything new about the Republicans", said one expert sadly) but offers scientists the chance to learn more about the madness of that time, said a BLM paleontologist. "The fossilized dinosaurs are from the same late TotalAssic period as those at LaBush TARP Pit, where hundreds of billions of dollars disappeared within a few short months, leaving no trace of their fate."
BLM isn't disclosing the exact location due to security concerns. "If the American people find out that these dinosaurs are still around, filibustering evolution and devouring any chance of economic recovery" warned a spokesman, "They would surely destroy these historical relics."