1) I was not born on December 4th, 1906; in fact, the number of days on which I was not born so far exceeds the number of days in which I was born as to render my birth statistically improbable.
2) I was depressed by wolves, so I'm sort of the opposite of Romulus and Remus
3) I have a canny ability to develop uncanny abilities
4) I ate three kids, if you add up all the goat meat I've devoured in my life
5) I don't have any fiends
6) I am developing a photo to take over the world (which is much better than developing a plan to take over the world); unfortunately Kodak no longer makes the chemicals I need to complete the process, so y'all can stop worrying
7) I have a hidden talent, but if I told you what it is, it wouldn't be hidden anymore
8) I find that young people are getting older all the time yet, mentally, I am still a teenager; I intend to find a way to derive energy from this differential
9) I resolved, at one point in life when I was quite unhappy, to laugh loudly whenever possible; this fools people into thinking that I am jolly, or at least it has fooled me
10) I stole the following line from Mark Paleologopoulos because I like it and he can't stop me AFAIK: "Whenever I get in a line at a busy store, you can bet the lines will be gone by the time I get to the register"
11) Nobody knows the troubles I've seen, not even me, which is pretty convenient
12) I was going to accept my self-denial but I didn't want to deny my self-acceptance
13) I have had some good luck and I have had some bad luck, but luckily I don't remember the bad luck (much)
14) I am vastly more profitable than WAMU, AIG and many other bastards that take your money
15) I believe in the inherent worth of believing in inherent worth
16) I don't think it's ever wise to refer to your wife as "the incumbent"
17) When you consider the possibility of unicellular life living in superpressurized subterranean waters, it's entirely possible that the vast majority of life on earth is a gigantic brain that evolved humanity to drain the oil from its pores
18) I had the undergraduate credits to graduate from Michigan State University with either a Bachelors in Arts or in Science, and chose the latter because the initials were funnier
19) I found Law School to be rather easy, once I realized that the in-class "call" was worth only 3% of the grade
20) I blew off Law Review when I figured out that it was (at least at my school) a meaningless exercise in comparing minutiae designed to feed more bodies into the maw of the Partnership System
21) I recently discovered that diet and exercise can affect my health; who knew?
22) My favorite color is the visible spectrum
23) I m nt imprssd b vwls
24) Of the Twelve Forms of Immortality, recording your thoughts on the Internet may be the least expensive but also the most meaningless
25) I believe in saving one entry in every list for later modification