Belle Aire - Republican Presidential candidate John Sidney McCain the 3rd denounced Senator Barack Obama for being popular today.
"People like Obama," McCain muttered angrily in the oak-paneled foyer of one of his eight mansions. "My friends, do we want a president who is popular?"
Pundits agreed. "Obama has consistently said going into Iraq was a mistake," noted Republican strategist Karl Rove. "Most Americans agree with him on that, but it could inhibit us from invading other countries that have oil. Do we really want to limit our options to what makes sense?"
"I opposed the 2008 GI Bill," explained McCain, "Because it was popular. Helping veterans is popular, so I vote against it whenever I can. That's what being a 'Maverick' means - if the American people are for it, then I'm against it!"
"I want to do unpopular things!" proclaimed McCain. "I want to name Supreme Court justices that will overturn Roe v. Wade. I want more jobs in Michigan and Ohio and all across America to go to China. I want to increase Bush's tax cuts for the rich! On campaign finance reform, I actually broke my own McCain-Feingold law!"
"But above all, I want to keep sending your children to die in the desert. Because that's unpopular, and America wants an unpopular president."
McCain's campaign staff then unfurled a banner with McCain's newest motto: "McCain: Don't Vote For The Popular Guy."
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