Washington - Seeking to address a growing rise in the popularity of the Democratic Party, the Democratic Leadership Council (DLC) announced today that it is conceding the 2008 election.
"Traditionally, the DLC concedes only elections where victory is not a sure thing," said a spokesman. "By refusing to demand full recounts or investigate Republican officials who purge voting rolls of Democrats, we have successfully avoided having to govern our nation. This lets us concentrate on our core competencies: hiring consultants, giving advice and raising money from corporations."
But recently, things have gotten out of control. In Washington State, Christine Gregoire insisted on a recount that forced a Democrat into the governorship. Across our nation, rogue Democrats who tried on a "50-state strategy" capitalized on last-minute GOP missteps, such as the Foley revelations and the "macaca" Youtube. As a result, Democrats failed to stay out of power in Congress.
Now a tsunami of voter anger against Republican misgovernment threatens to overwhelm the DLC's traditional defeatist tactics.
DLC is responding creatively; by immediately conceding the election to the Republicans, it can begin hiring consultants and raising funds on the basis of Republicans mismanagement for another four years.
And in 2012?
"There's always another way to lose an election," twinkles Bob Schrum.