Sunday, August 23, 2015

Sunay meetings

This morning I texted Kris thanks for the interesting conversation.
She apologized and asked to speak as soon as the coffee was ready. I suggested walking.
It was a pleasant walk, all things considered. She said she was ready to answer my question "What The Hell Happened?"
She accepted responsibility straightforwardly, for the first  time in my experience. She said that she had her first marriage because everyone thought she and John were a great couple and expected them to marry. She did not want to be married an when he started making too much noise about having a baby, she dumped him. However they remained on good terms, and he gave her half the value of the house when he sold it, she says.
Then, she says, she really liked me as a friend. So naturally she figured she should marry me. She did not like being married to me so she ha to divorce me.
I did not have a lot to say on this, but it was goo to hear that there was nothing I could have done differently that would make any difference. We got back and eventually I went off to do a little work.
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Later that ay, I texted Kris offering to keep renting her a room at market rate or a little better. She aske what I proposed and I gave a figure of $750, which was $200 less that the apartment she found, and included Y membership. She counterproposed that I move out and she would rent the top floor for the price of the mortgage. At first I reacted favorably to that; it seemed like a creative solution. However I wanted to talk it over with the people most affected: Kiara and Nessa. They were supportive of whatever decision I made.
I thought about it. A $1400 mortgage less $950 apartment rental left me $450 a month; take away $200 or more for the solar panels, and I would be saving less than $250 a month with Kris' concept. And to get even that, I would abandon Kiera, Nessa and the cats. This made no sense to me; I understand how it seemed good to Kris - she would at last have the main floor of the house all to herself, to keep as she wished with no one to bother her. However, I'm not sure why she thought I would go for it; am I that much of a doormat?
Well, I have been. "Silent Son" and all that.
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When I got home from my work expedition, I texted the three ladies stating my position. After some discussion, we decided to meet in the living room to talk it over. Kiera basically chaired the meeting quite effectively. The two of them were willing to be flexible; they just needed simple college student living. Kris seemed angry, or it may just have been that she had probably been drinking; anyway, she stated her position clearly. She wanted her own bathroom She wanted to rent either the top floor or the basement. I confirmed with Kiera and Nessa that my sharing the top floor with them was not acceptable - we are friendly enough, but a young married couple needs their privacy! I said that I was not going to abandon my family. We are a new family and an unusual family but we are family, and that's it. Kris was welcome to stay and if she left, it was because she chose to leave. She seemed angry about that, and I was sad about it, but I was not changing. That was about all there was to it. Kiera led the meeting as well as it could have been lead. There was no unpleasant language, but clear statements and a resolution.
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I am sad and it is painful, but the pain is just fear leaving the body, as they say. As they also say, I will permit the feat to wash over me and move on; when it has gone I will turn and look and it will be gone; only I will remain. Indeed, I now feel determined now that I have chosen my option.
Still, it is well to have family in support.


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