Saturday, February 04, 2012

Recently On Law & Order: Conception Police!

Crime in Progress:
Attempted Murder of Fertilized Egg!
It was night watch on Friday when we got the call from a patrol car, "Attempted Murder in progress at the corner of Liberty and Bell!"
My partner and I rushed to the scene, followed by the SWAT van. The house on the corner was dark, but with infrared goggles we saw two figures struggling in the den. There were muffled noises, and then a scream of "Oh God!".
We broke down the door to a hellish scene. The perp was a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and a belly the size of a beer keg. He was obscenely naked. The victim of the crime was no where to be seen, but on the couch a woman in a teddy covered her face.
"What are you doing here, coppers?" Fat Gut sneered. "You got nothing."
"Oh yeah?" I shot back, "What do you call this prescription for birth control pills, filled earlier this month in the name of your wife?"
"So? Sex with my wife isn't a crime!"
"Tell that to a jury! Everyone knows life begins at conception, and that the pill keeps a fertilized egg from implanting. Your sex act is going to create a fertilized egg that you know is going to die - you murderous slime ball!"
"That's ridiculous!" he snapped. "You'll never make the charges stick!"
"That's for the prosecutor to decide. Meanwhile, you're coming with us downtown. But first," I waved forward my assistant, the one with the black doctor's bag and the dry-ice container, "We have to impound the murder weapon. Surgeon, do your duty!"
Fat Gut screamed as his weapon was put on ice, and I smiled. Another would-be killer meets pro-life justice!

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