Thursday, May 15, 2008

Free Protection against Computer-Borne STDs

Software-Transmitted Diseases: By now, unless you've never use a computer (in which case how are you reading this?), you know viruses, words and other bad stuff are constantly changing, trying new tricks to break into your computer. They're like biological STDs only faster 'cuz they's electronical, meaning they don't have to wait for the beer goggles to kick in before spreading. They move at the speed of internet, which is somewhat slower than lightspeed but a lot faster than you move after drinking enough to be attracted to the sloppy leftovers at last call ... keeping in mind that if you're still looking at last call, you are sloppy leftovers too!

But enough about YOUR love life; what about your computer?

Chances are, it's underage, but some pervos are trying to infect it anyway. Computer STDs are real clever; you can't stop them with just a condom or smearing your keyboard is Nonoxinil-9. They evolve right around whatever protection you put on, so you need to try a variety of stuff.

This of course is good news for the Computer Condom Industry since the money to be made in fighting a constantly changing threat is muy fantastico. But: it's bad news for you since you gotta keep making your payments or you just might find your lovely little business suddenly burst into flames.

Here's some free computer condoms for you to try:
  • Shields Up! by Gibson Research does free security checking on your PC: Gibson has been in the computer protection business for a long, long time. Why he hasn't sold out, I don't know, but you'll be glad you stopped by his place and tried the product.
  • Nanoscan (a PC Magazine favorite free virus scan), can supplement your existing virus scan:
  • Trend Micro House Call: Now, this one will urge you to buy their product, which is a decision you'll have to make on your own, but a free scan is like free bar snacks. Take all you can, just don't make them the basis of your diet. (note there are separate scans for viruses & for spyware: do both!)

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