Monday, March 21, 2016

Trump, Cruz Agree To Grenade Duel

Cleveland, OH - Republican Presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ted Cruz agreed today to avoid a deadlocked convention by settling their dispute with a 2nd-Amendment fragmentation grenade duel at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio.

“Only the right to bear arms can prevent the tyranny of a Trump presidency,” said Cruz. “Where better to use that right but here, in Cleveland, home of the fragmentation grenade?”

 “This is huge,” agreed Trump. “Everyone knows I have a remarkably good throwing arm. Back in the 70s, I pitched two no-hitters for the Cleveland Cavaliers. To make it easier for little Ted, we’re going to have our duel chained together, ankle-to-ankle - that way he can run but he can’t hide."

 RNC officials were ecstatic at the agreement, which had been brokered by losing candidate, Ohio governor John Kasich. “We must avoid the spectacle of a convention that makes any decisions,” said RNC Chair Rince Priebus. Kasich beamed in agreement. “Two walk in, one (or less) walks out.”

 An WTFNBC poll found the idea proposal favored by 96% of Americans; factoring in a 5% margin of error showed near-unanimous agreement that the result of a grenade duel at the Republican National Convention would be good for America.

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