Thursday, January 21, 2010

Blogger Disproves Global Warming; Scientists Stunned!

A blogger who struggled through high-school math has completely debunked the theory of Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Change, otherwise known as "Global Warming".

"It was easy, really," said Barney Schtupnagel, "I knew it was a lot of hooey because, you know, how could people change the climate? It just didn't make sense. But I needed proof."

And proof Schtupnagel found, by cruising internet forums and thinking about the evidence in new ways.

"I found three ways in which scientists had accidentally increased reported temperatures," Barney posted on his Blog. "First, and of most importance, as scientists start using more computerized temperature measuring gadgets, they started recording more digits of temperature. What had been 58 degrees on a mercury thermometer would become 58.4 degrees on a digitial thermometer and then 58.4569 degrees on a high-precision CCD device. The inevitable result is a reported increase in temperatures, when there's really been no change at all."

"Another thing is that scientists keep using something called Centigrade instead of Fahrenheit. As Mrs. Tofula explained to our class last year, Centigrade degrees are bigger, so you know they're have to say the temperature is bigger.

"But the third and awesomely biggest thing was where I read that scientists were deploying more temperature gauges than ever, all over the world. Think about it! You know when you use a metal detector to look for pennies in the park? Well the more people with the most metal detectors you use, the more stuff you find. D'uh! Now that there is more scientists with more thermometers, you're going to find more temperature!"

Scientists were astounded, yet full of praise for this discovery. "My goodness! We certainly never thought of this!" said Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Linden. "One insight of this magnitude is customarily rewarded with a Nobel Prize, but surely young Schtupnagel has scored a trifecta! I shall definitely be nominating him for next year's Nobel Prize in Physics."

A few scientists were not so sure. "An announcement of this sort should not lead to a Nobel Prize in Physics," demurred Christopher Walter Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. "I think it would be more appropriate to award an entirely new Nobel Prize in Global Warming Denial."

Dr. James Hansen, climate scientist and author of "Storms of My Grandchildren", was unavailable for comment.

1 comment:

Maurie Kirschner said...

Wow. Sheesh. Oh Boy...

I'm torn between laughing, crying and correcting the blogger's grammar.

Where DO you find these things, Randy!!!