If Fire Departments Were Run by Health Insurers

Imagine how efficiently private health insurers would operate fire protection!

When you detect a fire, call for help and follow this checklist:

• If your job doesn't come with fire protection insurance: you get no fire truck
  
• If your job went overseas and you didn't keep up fire protection payments: you get no fire truck
• If something catches fire that you had when you bought the insurance: you get no fire truck (...it was a "preexisting condition")
• Otherwise: Congratulations, you qualify for a fire truck to help you deal with the problem!
  

However:

• You must throw the first 500 gallons of water on the fire yourself
• You must contribute 20% of the water sprayed on the fire after that
• The fire chief must check with an accountant to see how much water overall can be sprayed on the fire. If you go over the limit: you must find some other source of water
• If you lose your job because you're spending too much time putting out the fire: your insurance goes away and the fire truck drives off
  
• If your neighbor's house is on fire, and you want your fire department to put it out before the fire spreads to YOUR house: Sorry, that's not in the policy!