Tuesday, February 02, 2010

A Penny for Your Banker Holiday Proposed

One penny out of every dollar spent in the United States of America in 2009 went for salaries and bonuses at Wall Street firms, prompting demands for a new federal holiday.

"We awarded ourselves $140 Billion in salary and bonusses in 2009," explained one investment banker, "That's about 1 percent of the $14 Trillion U.S. GDP. An accomplishment like that deserves a federal holiday. We call it 'A Penny for Your Banker Day!'"

Pundits cheered this accomplishment, "Every time you buy a 99 cent hamburger, what happens to that other penny?" one asked. "Don't worry, it's not lost! One way or another, it will end up safely in the pocket of a Wall Street banker!

"For example, if you spend $100 on groceries, a dollar of that goes through a complicated network of financial finagling to the people who helped collapse the economy. If you spend $10,000 on a used car, that's $100 for Wall Street - almost enough for a champagne lunch or half an hour with a moderately-priced hooker. If George Washington gets a holiday for something he did over two hundred years ago, why shouldn't Wall Street bankers get a holiday for something they're doing right now?"

Congress is expected to act quickly on the proposal. "There's an election in November," said one campaign manager, "And we all know that a happy Wall Street banker is a generous Wall Street Banker!"


(Even Fox News is boggled by the bonusses)

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